Icemark Inboxes
by Boomerang Fish
Summary: It's ridiculous! It's random! It's crazy! It's...wombats? Our favorite Icemark characters get instant messaging...instant chaos. Plus scene parodies, holiday specials and other insanity
1. Thirrin's Inbox

ICEMARK INBOXES!

This is basically emails and chat room conversations during the first Icemark book. I'm planning on doing another one for Blade of Fire. Yes, they are all completely random. The site wouldn't let me type the "at" symbol or so they are now ":" and "-". Alrighty then, disclaimer time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Cry of the Icemark. That's owned by Stuart Hill, who is not me.

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THIRRIN'S INBOX

To:wildcat: lightning: witches-net

Subject: Coffee

Hi Thirrin,

Just wondering whether you think a beaver attack charm would be appropriate for Bellorum's "birthday present". Concealed in a giant Thermos of coffee of course. Which would actually be muddy water with a little coffee so it smells like it. By the way, if we're trying to get him to drink coffee spiked with something, why can't we spike it with poison? I mean really.

-Oskan

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To: wildcat: icemark-net

From: coffeeisbeastly: empire-net

Subj: I AM NOT A RAISIN!!

Are you going to surrender yet? Because this whole siege thing is getting old and I'm running out of coffee. And I'm winning. And I do NOT look like a raisin! I'm just aging!

* * *

To: wildcat: icemark-net

From: snowleopardthar: northpole-net

Subj: Just checking

Dear Thirrin

So this voice-typing thingy you gave me actually works! It's so amazing! Now I can talk to people and eat steak at the same time! Not that I think steaks are more important than people of course. Btw you emailed Bellorum and told him he looks like a raisin with big ears and that he's an incompetent fool! Hahaha! Actually now that you mention it he does look like a giant raisin.

-Tharaman

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To: wildcat: icemark-net

From: villagehardware: empire-net

Subj: Always serving the customer!

In response to your order we do not sell atomic bombs, missiles, H-bombs, cannons, rifles, machine guns, snipers, pistols, land mines, explosives, missile launchers, or grenades. For technology capable of sending certain military officials into deep space, you will have to ask the military. We do, however, sell spray paint.

* * *

To: wildcat: icemark-net

From: thesmartone: icemark-net

Subj: Your study habits

Dear Thirrin,

I know we are in the middle of a war, but if you have enough time to email Oskan about this "Operation Birthday Surprises" and call Imperial hardware stores requesting explosives to explode Bellorum into a thousand million bite-sized pieces, then you have enough time to do your homework!

-Maggiore

* * *

To: wildcat: icemark-net

From: bearofthenorth: valhalla-net

Subj: Checking in

My dear daughter

We have been watching you from Valhalla (we as in me, Lady Theowin, Elemnestra, and our new friend the Flying Dutchman) and think you're doing a wonderful job of defending the country! And I think that Oskan boy likes you. Well, I'm off to go haunt Bellorum's dreams. I swear, he does not have a conscience at all. AND he is seemingly immune to consumption by guilt. But I'm trying anyway. It's fun and it gives me something to do – it's REALLY boring up here, to tell you the truth.

Your father,

Redrought


	2. Bellorum's Inbox

Time for Chapter 2! And now it's the inbox of everyone's least favorite army general - who has an obsession with coffee and several angry ghosts haunting him. It's also time for another fun disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I don't own Cry of the Icemark. That's why this is called a DISclaimer instead of a claimer.

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BELLORUM'S INBOX 

To: coffeeisbeastly: empire-net

From: wildcat: icemark-net

Subj: YOU LOOK LIKE A RAISIN!

Hahahaha! You look like a raisin and you have big ears. And you are LOSING. Loser. You're getting owned by a 14-year-old and that's just sad. By the way, check out your armor. You know, the armor that has little birdies all over it. snickers. Hope you've got some good paint remover.

* * *

To: coffeeisbeastly: empire-net 

From: starbuckscoffee: empire-net

Subj: your mail-in order

Hello, valued customer. We are sending you this obviously form-letter email to inform you that you have ordered an uncanny amount of coffee. We do not want to present you with a huge bill, so please call and confirm your order. You might also want to attend a Coffee Addicts Anonymous meeting.

Starbucks Coffee - taking over the world, one customer at a time!

* * *

To: coffeeisbeastly: empire-net 

From: the ghost(s) that haunt you

Subj: I'm coming for you

Yeah you BETTER run you RAISINPHANT! (raisinphantraisin/elephant. Wrinkly big-eared person, like you)

I'll teach YOU to mess with my country! By the way, this email has a virus in it. Have fun.

* * *

Bellorum: -signs off computer- Stupid ghosts. And I'm not a raisin. I'm a scary evil genius army general person who is aging a tiny bit. –checks his armor like Thirrin said to do. For an evil genius that really wasn't that smart- 

Bellorum: IT'S HIDEOUS!!!! –faints-

Unbeknownst to him Thirrin has written the following on the back of his armor in hot pink spray paint.

I AM A BARBIE GIRL RAISIN WHO IS GETTING OWNED BY A TEENAGER.

And also unbeknownst to him Oskan has finished that coffee he was making and is now in the process of making the Thermos all pretty with a nice pink ribbon. This is really not shaping up to be a very good day for Bellorum.

Me: You deserved it you raisinphant.

Bellorum: GET OUT OF MY TENT!!! Wait… you don't even exist in this world.

Me: VIRTUAL REALITY ROCKS! Jeez. I was just planting a stink bo- I mean I'm leaving now.

Stink Bomb: -goes off-

Bellorum: EWWWW! It's all stinky and gross!

Me: No _duh_. –presses button on virtual reality remote- -vanishes-

Bellorum: -looking at coffee- I've gotta get off this stuff…

Thirrin and Oskan: -snicker madly-

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**A/N: **Reviews are nice...hinthintHINT 


	3. Oskan's Inbox

Yaay! Chapter 3! Enjoying the randomness so far?

Disclaimer: Cry of the Icemark is owned by Stuart Hill, not me, blah blah blah…

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OSKAN'S INBOX

To: lightning: witches-net

From: wildcat: icemark-net

Subj: revenge is sweet and coffee-flavored

Hi Oskan,

I think that really is a good idea. (the squirrel attack potion). I just can't wait to see Bellorum's face when he gets attacked by squeaking furry hordes. As to why I don't want to spike it with poison I want to kill him myself. The whole Operation Birthday Surprises is just a bit of fun. Btw did you see his face when that stink bomb went off? What's virtual reality?

-Thirrin

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To: lightning: witches-net

From: coffeeisbeastly: empire-net

Subj: nuffin

I heard that you were good at making potions and I will pay you 100 dollars if you make an anti-wrinkles potion for me. Because I am sick of your girlfriend calling me a raisinphant. For an extra $100 you could throw in an anti-ghosts charm or at least tell me how to get rid of them.

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To: lightning: witches-net

From: oskansfangirls: fangirls-net

Subj: YOU ARE SO HOT!

U are so hot I mean OMG Jhonny Depp has nothing on u. U are so ah-mazing and I want to go out with u because u'r awesome.

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To: lightning: witches-net

From: capnjack: hollywood-net

Subj: STOP STEALING MY FANGIRLS!

Stop stealing my fangirls! I'm SO much hotter than you!

* * *

To: lightning: witches-net

From: mailerbot: witches-net

Subj: Thank you for choosing Witches.

Thank you for choosing Witches as your email service provider. We have blocked oskansfangirls: fangirls-net, capnjack: hollywood-net, and coffeeisbeastly: empire-net from your system.

* * *

To: lightning: witches-net

From: coffeerealllyisbeastly: empire-net

Subj: HA!

HA! You can't get rid of me THAT easily!

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**A/N: **Leave reviews, people, I need to see how I'm doing! Next up: Tharaman's Inbox. 


	4. Tharaman's Inbox

Well, here we are, chapter 4. It may not be the randomest of chapters, but it's still funny.

Disclaimer: I don't own Cry of the Icemark, but I do own…wait, I own nothing.

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THARAMAN'S INBOX

To: snowleopardthar: northpole-net

From: wildcat: icemark-net

Subj: Hi

Hello Tharaman. This email stuff is great, isn't it? Now we can talk to people and not have to leave our room! Have you figured out how to use anything else on these computers? And I asked the kitchens to send up some beer and steak for you, those should be arriving pretty soon. Tell Taradan I said hi, and I hope he gets his email account set up.

-Thirrin

* * *

To: snowleopardthar: northpole-net

From: taradanzkewl: northpole-net

Subj: FINALLY!

I finally got my email set up! Now I can finally talk to you guys without having to leave my wonderful beer alone. But of course I would rather talk to you guys than drink beer…however it is very good beer. I wonder if Thirrin has any more. Well anyway, happy beer drinking! Yes I know I sound as obsessed as Bellorum is with coffee, but I'm not at the point where I call it precious yet. So that's good. Bye!

-Taradan, happy owner of an EMAIL ADDRESS!

* * *

To: snowleopardthar: northpole-net

From: thesmartone: icemark-net

Subj: Business proposition.

Hi Tharaman-Thar,

Just wonder if you thought over my business proposition. The one about sending wine and beer and alcoholic drinks in general to the Hub of the World. No offense, but we'd probably need an 18-wheeler, or ten, to feed all you leopards. Can you reply about the aurora borealis please? Thirrin, Oskan and you are probably the only ones who've seen it.

-Maggiore Totus

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**A/N: **I know that was short, but I just couldn't think of many emails for Tharaman. Leave reviews and holiday cheer, and next up is the first Chatroom! 


	5. Chatroom: The First Conversation

Disclaimer: I don't own the Icemark. I also don't own Smitty Werbenjegermanjensen.

* * *

CHAT ROOM CONVERSATION #1

-wildcat has entered the room-

lightningboy: Thirrin! Is that you?

wildcat: no. it's smitty werbenjegermanjensen.

snowleopardthar: no offense Oskan but that sounded really dorky.

lightningboy: well, I've been sitting in here all day with nothing to do!

-coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-

coffeeisbeastly: Haha Oskan you have no life!

wildcat: -virtual slaps him- what are you doing here anyway?

coffeeisbeastly: virtual slaps don't work.

wildcat: u want to REALLY get slapped???

coffeeisbeastly: Is that a CHALLENGE? _Bring it ON. _

wildcat: wanna MESS???

coffeeisbeastly: it's go time.

-VIRTUAL FISTFIGHT!-

-thesmartone has entered the room-

thesmartone: are you guys virtual fistfighting again?

wildcat: i'm a girl

-wildcat is giving coffeeisbeastly the Virtual Vulcan Nerve Pinch-

wildcat: and yeah, we're virtual fistfighting

coffeeisbeastly: GET HER OFF MEEEE!!!

lightningboy: technically she's not on you

coffeeisbeastly: you're right.

-wildcat whacks voodoo doll-

coffeeisbeastly: OW!

wildcat: -evil smirk- -WHACKWHACKWHACKWHACK-

coffeeisbeastly: OW! THIRRIN! QUIT IT! OW! DON'T YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR SENIORS????

wildcat: evil insane army general seniors like you? NO.

-wildcat continues whacking the voodoo doll-

coffeeisbeastly: HELP! SHE HAS ME IN A VIRTUAL HEADLOCK!

wildcat: -virtual uppercuts him-

thesmartone: this could go on for a looong time.

-thesmartone has left the room-

lightningboy: GET YOUR TICKETS HERE!

staffofficer#1: I want one!

coffeeisbeastly: no you don't.

redroughtsghost: -comes into the chat room in a cheerleader suit- GO THIRRIN!

coffeeisbeastly: that's…disturbing,

staffofficer#1: wanna see something really disturbing?

coffeeisbeastly: GET OUT!

wildcat: I vote you off the island.

staffofficer#1: fine.

-staffofficer#1 has left the room-

-redroughtsghost has left the room-

-coffeeisbeastly has ran out of the room chasing staffofficer#1-

wildcat: it is kinda dull without Bellorum to whack.

snowleopardthar: ditto

-wildcat and snowleopardthar have left the room-

lightningboy: hello? anyone here?

lightningboy:( -goes back to sitting there with no one to talk to-

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**A/N: **So, first chatroom. Was it random enough? I'll never know, unless you REVIEW!!!! 


	6. Chatroom: Invasion of the Beavers

Disclaimer: I don't own anything featured in this chapter. Except for the beavers.

**A/N: **Ok this is probably the most random chapter I've done yet. The whole thing with the beavers is just some idea I came up with for no reason.

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CHAT ROOM: INVASION OF THE GANGSTA BEAVERS 

-gangstabeaver has entered the room-

gangstabeaver: yo ma homiiiies.

wildcat: WASSUP?

lightningboy: hey! everybody's gangsta all of a sudden.

snowleopardthar: nooo…

wildcat: good sarcasm.

snowleopardthar: no! I was actually saying NOOOOO! because I just lost in Pacman!

lightningboy: I didn't know you could play Pacman with paws.

snowleopardthar: exactly. I suck.

gangstabeaver: don't let yo Pacman get ya down.

snowleopardthar: great. now I'm getting advice from a beaver with bling.

gangstabeaver: and an AFRO, homiiieeee.

-coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-

coffeeisbeastly: YO WASSUP!

wildcat: o-kaaaaaaay…

gangstabeaver: is you steppin in MY chatroom, not-homiiieee?

wildcat: yeah aren't you supposed to be our enemy

coffeeisbeastly: SO WHAT ABOUT IT?

gangstabeaver: is you sayin dat I'm not as gangsta?

coffeeisbeastly: and if I am?

gangstabeaver: oh it's on NOW, not-homiiieee.

-VIRTUAL GANGSTA FIGHT!-

lightningboy: GET YOUR TICKETS HERE!

staffofficer#1: I wa-

coffeeisbeastly: don't you dare say you want one.

coffeeisbeastly: and get that ridiculous afro wig off your head.

staffofficer#1: sowwy…

redroughtsghost: -comes in wearing a cheerleader suit- YEAH GO BEAVERS!

grimswald: LOL

coffeeisbeastly: WTF!

wildcat: daaaaaaaaaaaad…

-coffeeisbeastly has tackled gangstabeaver-

-gangstabeaver summons his beaver homies-

-beavers appear with army helmets and bazookas-

armybeavers: we will fight for / beaver freedom/ and hold our large tails high…

greatcowguru: stop stealing my lyrics! MOOOOO!

llama: HERE'S A LLAMA THERE'S A LLAMA AND ANOTHER LITTLE LLAMA FUZZY LLAMA FUNNY LLAMA LLAMA LLAMA DUCK!

magicaltrevor: everyone loves Magical Trevor cause the tricks that he does are ever so clever…

coffeeisbeastly: I don't love Magical Trevor.

-magicaltrevor smacks coffeeisbeastly with his leathery leathery whip-

wildcat: lol that was funny. I need that!

coffeeisbeastly: -leathery leathery whip'd- OW!

wildcat: tee hee.

coffeeisbeastly: LOOK U KNOW WHAT!

coffeeisbeastly: I FEEL SO UNWANTED!

coffeeisbeastly: IM LEAVING!

thesmartone: punctuation.

-coffeeisbeastly has left the room-

redroughtsghost: hi everyone

wildcat: ew dad, are u in a cheerleader suit still?

redroughtsghost: this is Lady Theowin. hang on, I'll get a different username.

-theowinsghost has entered the room-

-coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-

coffeeisbeastly: you ghosts are so not creative.

wildcat: I thought you left because you felt so unwanted. You still are, by the way.

theowinsghost: wow thirrin, you're not using chatspeak at all.

wildcat: maggiore's here.

theowinsghost: no he isn't. he left just a moment ago. to go grade some of your essays I think.

coffeeisbeastly: which you got an F on by the way.

wildcat: GET OUT YOU RAISIN! –smacks him repeatedly with the leathery leathery whip-

-coffeeisbeastly has left the room-

* * *

**A/N:** Reviews are nice. 


	7. Chatroom: Thirrin's Mission

Disclaimer: Cry of the Icemark is owned by the extremely talented Stuart Hill...not me.

* * *

CHAT ROOM: HACKERS 

wildcat: hey Tharaman doesn't Bellorum have his own chatroom?

snowleopardthar: where r u going with this?

wildcat: well I was thinking we could hack into it and spy on them

taradanzkewl: good idea! now who's a hacker?

Offline, everyone looks at Oskan.

lightningboy: what?

15 minutes later: OFFICERS CHATROOM

- coffeeisbeastly and theemperor have entered the room-

staffofficer#2: howdy y'all

staffofficer#2: I mean hi sir

offline, Thirrin and Oskan slap high fives.

coffeeisbeastly: can any of u tell me tomorrows battle plans? I forgot 'cause I'm so stupid.

staffofficer#9: um, sir, you sound so not like yourself.

coffeeisbeastly: OR YOU'RE FIRED!

staffofficer#5: now that's more like u. and the plans are to trap Queen Thirrin and the leopards using a pincer movement.

theemperor: thank u. and I would like it to be known that I think Scipio Bellorum is an incompetent fool.

-coffeesureisbeastly and theREALemperor have entered the room-

coffeesureisbeastly: I'm here!

theREALemperor: we couldn't get in because SOMEONE stole our screen names.

coffeesureisbeastly: GET OUT THIRRIN!

coffeeisbeastly: U IMPOSTER!

coffeesureisbeastly: u can't even spell impostir right.

theREALemperor: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

coffeesureisbeastly: I don't see what's so funny.

theREALemperor: HAHAHAHAHA! I mean (snickers) nothing---HAAAAHAHA!

coffeesureisbeastly: glares

-snowleopardrthar and taradanzkewl have entered the room-

snowleopardthar: you failure. U spelled impostor wrong.

coffee­reallyisbeastly: I did not. i-m-p-o-s-t-i-r. Impostir.

theREALemperor: can't…breathe…laughing…too…hard…

snowleopardthar: -throws a dictionary at Bellorum-

coffeereallyisbeastly: HA HA THARAMAN! U MISSED! –dictionary'd-

coffeesureisbeastly: HEY! cats can't throw boomerang dictionaries!

snowleopardthar: well I'm not a cat. I'm a SNOW LEOPARD!

theREALemperor: HAHAHAhahaha…ha…

coffeesureisbeastly: ARE YOU QUITE FINISHED!?

theREALemperor: hold on. HAHAhahahha…yeah I'm finished. Tharaman if you're a cat how can you type?

snowleopardthar: I have a voice-typing thingy.

theREALemperor: I don't believe it. I think you're a person in a leopird suit.

coffeeisbeastly: the bad spelling! it's spred!

theemperor: it would seem that there is an epidemik of bad spelling in this chatroom

-coffeesureisbeastly has baned coffeeisbeastly and theemperor from the chatroom-

-bellorumsucks has enterred the chatroom-

bellorumsucks: oh no. even AIM's got it!

staffofficer#10: it's an apokalips!

bellorumsucks: that's not how u spell apocalypse.

staffofficer#10: it's a very hard word u know!

-bellorumsucks has left the room-

and so we leave Bellorum, the oficers and the REAL emperor to their bad speling.

OH NO! IT'S SPRED! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

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**A/N: **Reviews are appreciated. 


	8. Bubble Troubled

Disclaimer: I, once again, do not own anything featured in this chapter except the idea.

**A/N: **Hallo. So, once again, very random idea that I just had to write down. The basic idea is Bellorum is obsessed with Bubble Trouble but he sucks so now he's in a slump. Thirrin's amazing at Bubble Trouble and decides to help him pass Level One so she can laugh in his face that she's better than him. I know this could never really happen...probably because they don't have Bubble Trouble, so...yeah...

* * *

BUBBLE TROUBLED 

-General Bellorum's tent, in the middle of a meeting-

"GAAAAAAH! Died again!" yelled the formidable General Scipio Bellorum. "This game is rigged! RIGGED I TELL YOU! RIGGED!"

"Um, sir? We're in the middle of a meeting. Please stop playing Bubble Trouble and concentrate on tactics." Commander Anthonius said a little timidly.

"Not…until…I…beat…this…LEVEL!" –smacking sound is heard- "I died!"

"What level are you on, sir?"

"ONE."

"owww…"

"This isn't going to be like your Pac-Man obsession of '96, is it, sir?" Commander Hadrian asked.

"I hope not. _That_ was bad" Commander Anthonius said.

-flash back to Bellorum sleeping and muttering "no… must…get…Power Pill! NO! DAMN YOU BLINKY!" –

the next morning

Bellorum appears with bags under his eyes. "What _happened_, sir?" everyone asked.

"Up all night playing Bubble Trouble"

"What level are you one now?"

"STILL ONE."

Thirrin and Tharaman are spying on them through a telescope. "This is almost sad."

"You should be happy about this, Thirrin, I mean really."

"I am! This is hilarious! And the best part is that his officers have to try and get him out of this slump!"

"What's so hilarious about that?" the Thar asked.

"They don't know squat about it is what."

the next day at a tactics meeting in Bellorum's tent

"Ugghhh…so…sleepy…." Bellorum moaned.

"Sir, that's not battle plans you're drawing. Those are plans to beat Level One of Bubble Trouble" Commander Anthonius told him.

Bellorum looks at him sleepily and then goes back to his drawing. "So we get the little rope-thingie and shoot the bubble, then the other bubble…"

"Sir, how do you think we will capture the young Queen?"

"BUBBLES!"

"Sir, what is _this_?" Commander Anthonius asked, holding the general's sword.

"Oh, cool! New Bubble Trouble weapon! Level Two, here I come!" Bellorum grabbed the sword and started stabbing at invisible bubbles until Commander Anthonius smacked him in the face.

"Snap out of it sir!"

Quickly the staff officers go to look in Bellorum's private bedroom-tent-thingy --- AND IT'S A MESS! It would seem as if the general had lost his mind…or is in a huge slump. "We've got to get the general back to his old self".

Thirrin and Tharaman-Thar are still watching them. "Ohhh boy." Thirrin said when she saw the officers try to get Bellorum to recognize his sword. "He is obsessed. I have to try this game"

So Thirrin does, and immediately makes it to Level 22 without losing a single life. "When he gets out of his slump I am _so _going to rub this in his face."

"It doesn't seem like he's going to get out of his slump anytime soon."

"Then I will have to help them out a little. Because his officers are getting nowhere." she puts on Maggiore's glasses, a fake mustache, and continues speaking in a German accent.

"Say hello to Dr. Thirrin"

Commander Anthonius is standing outside the general's tent when a paper airplane hits him on the head. He picks it up and reads:

DR. THIRRIN LINDENSHIELD

PSYCHIATRIST

SPECIALIZING IN BUBBLE TROUBLE OBSESSION/DEPRESSION.

HOUSE/TENT CALLS

CALL 1-800-193-2075

_That name really rings a bell…but I can't imagine where I've heard it before. Oh well. Anything to get the general out of this depression of his. _

The next day Thirrin-no, DR. Thirrin- has kicked all the staff officers out of Bellorum's tent and is sitting in Bellorum's giant swively chair having the time of her life. "Whee! Spinning around…"

She also has a cup of coffee and Bellorum's laptop, open to Bubble Trouble. Bellorum is lying on his bed muttering something about bubbles. "Soo… how are you doing on ze Bubble Trouble game?" (FYI she's speaking in a German accent).

" Noo…little…yellow…bubbles…smack…not again…."

"Ja, zis is bad. Very bad. I am going to open ze Bubble Trouble and you are going to pass ze Level One, ja?"

"Mehhhhh…."

"Okay, ja? Now shoot ze bubble, get ze clock. Shoot ze bubble. And zis bubble. Now, you passed level one, ja?"

"HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! YES! THOSE BUBBLES DON'T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST ME NOW! TERMINATORRRRR!"

"Okay. Vat is dis?" she asked, holding the cup of coffee.

"It's COFFEE!" Bellorum grabs the coffee and gulps it all down. "Wait, what the hell are you doing in my tent? And why are you wearing Maggiore Totus's glasses?"

"Ummm…"

"You've got a 10 second head start."

Thirrin sprints for Frostmarris (with Bellorum's _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_ DVD and $1000)yelling, "HA HA, YOU SENILE OLD RAISIN! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!"

Still outside the tent, Commander Anthonious was happy. Everything was finally back to normal. Which was a good thing. And then he got hit in the head with Thirrin's water balloon, which was not. Oh well. That's what you get you old rai---HEY! I DIDN'T WRITE THIS SCRIPT! I'M JUST THE NARRATOR GUY! –smacks Anthonius with the leathery leathery whip- GO TO COMMERCIAL!

**A/N: **Review please! They didn't recognize Thirrin's name because they're all idiots!


	9. The Demented Cartoon Outtake

Disclaimer: I don't own Cry of the Icemark, Demented Cartoon Movie or SpongeBob

* * *

**Crazy bizarre terms o' surrender scene outtake**

plain around Frostmarris

Herald dude: -says terms o' surrender. They're too long to write. Stupid clerk-scribe people-

Thirrin: that's crazy talk!

Patrick: That's not crazy talk! _This_ is crazy talk! Kableeebleeebla! Kableeebleeebla! Duhduhduhlooobaloobaloobaloo! –whacked on the head by Sandy-

Sandy: -drags him away- Shut up you!

Thirrin: -to Tharaman-: I heard from Maggiore that Scipio Bellorum has this obsession with coffee.

Tharaman: soooo…

Thirrin: -gets out coffee mug on a fishing pole- So I'm going to test it!

Thirrin: -dangles coffee right in front of first embankment- hey Bellorum, guess what I've got…

Bellorum: OH YES! COFFEE! –runs at the coffee-

Thirrin: -reels in the coffee really fast-

Bellorum: -whacks into first embankment-

Thirrin: I'm supposed to be afraid of YOU???

Bellorum: -pulls himself out of Bellorum shaped hole in embankment- Yep.

Thirrin: -cracks up-

Bellorum: -shakes beer can, opens it and sprays Thirrin-

Thirrin: ACK! BLURFFFFFF! MOTHER F----

Thirrin: Oh you're goin' DOWN, boi!

Bellorum: Bring it.

-and they both fight each other and disappear in a giant cloud of dust-

The Emperor dude: -appears out of nowhere with secret service guys and grabs Thirrin and Bellorum by their shirt collars- WILL YOU STOP FISTFIGHTING AND GET BACK TO YOUR RESPECTIVE CAMPS OR I WILL CHUCK YOU THERE!

Bellorum: DON'T WORRY, YOUR MAJESTY! I'M SO LOYAL TO MY COUNTRY I CHUCK MYSELF PLACES!

-And true to his word he chucks himself back to his camp. Can't imagine how. Seriously-

Emperor dude: He is so bizarre.

Thirrin: I second that.

Emperor dude: now get back to your camp.

Thirrin: Fiiine… HEY! Want green tea?

Emperor dude: No. Go back to Frostmarris. –poofs away using MY poofing-away remote-

Thirrin: How did he get your weirdo remote?

Me: He's renting it. –waves money- And now I've got $1000!

Thirrin: This is a totally bizarre outtake.

Bellorum: -walks by in a fake mustache and tutu- It sure is.

Thirrin: O-kaaay...

Zeeky H-bomb: Zeeky boogy doog! –a splodes-

Thirrin: This is really, REALLY weird.

Oskan: You tell me. And it's not ending.

Zeeky H-bomb: zeeeeeeeeky…

Herald dude: RUN!

Zeeky H-bomb: BOOGY DOOG! -a splodes-

Me: GO TO COMMERCIAL!

* * *

**A/N: **I just can't resist doing these random thingies! They're too much fun. Anyways...Reviews are great Christmas presents! 


	10. Duel Scene Remix

Disclaimer: I don't own anything featured in this Totally Bizarre Scene Remix. Except of course the BEAVERS!

Just so you know Mara and Soren are not from the book, but they're not technically OCs either. They're two of Bellorum's staff officers who I have given names and personalities for the sake of the story. Mara is Bellorum's little sister and Soren is her husband.

* * *

**TOTALLY BIZARRE DUEL SCENE REMIX!**

Soren: Remix?

Bellorum: Some people just want to enjoy their coffee you know. WITH BOTH HANDS.

Thirrin: You're just scared because you know I'm gonna OWN you again.

Bellorum: That's it. You're goin' down Thirrin.

Me: Fifty bucks says Bellorum gets his ass kicked again.

Soren: Aren't you, like, not from here?

Me: The emperor gave my poofing remote back! –poofs away to go beat up Azula as revenge for the season finale-

* * *

-okay. We're up to the part where Thirrin is about to lose (!)- 

Thirrin: -beaver call- Beaver 6, Beaver 7 lets all go to beaver heaven…

Bellorum: Ha! Yes! I'm NOT getting my ass kicked by a teenager!

Soren: -pops up- not YET.

Bellorum: Thank you, Soren.

Thirrin: Beaver 8 Beaver 9… STOP! It's beaver time!

-beavers appear with army helmets and bazookas…again-

Gangsta Beaver: Yo not-homiiiieeee.

Bellorum: WTF.

Soren: Now I know why this is labeled TOTALLY BIZARRE REMIX.

Oskan: You're tellin' me. –looks at himself- and why am I wearing a cow suit?

Redrought: Beats me. Same reason I'm wearing a cheerleader suit?

Bellorum: Disturbing image.

Gangsta Beaver: WANNA MESS, NOT-HOMIIIIEEEEE?

Bellorum: And WHY would I want to fight a beaver?

Gangsta Beaver: That's okay. I bet you're not man enough to handle me you little momma's boy!

Bellorum: What'd you say? Say that again.

Gangsta Beaver: Normally I would but I'm afraid it would overload your little pea-brain mind.

Bellorum: Take…that…BACK!

Gangsta Beaver: NEVER!

Bellorum: Alright, you're goin' down beaver! Prepare yourself! GLADIATORRRR!

-and they disappear in a cloud of dust, and reappear with the Gangsta Beaver biting Bellorum-

Bellorum: OW! Get off me you stupid beaver! OW!

Thirrin: Oww… owned by a beaver.

Soren: That's even worse than getting owned by a teenager.

Oskan: -still in a cow suit- How did the outtake end last time? Zeeky H-bomb or something?

Mara: Yeah something like that.

Bellorum: Get…OFF…beaver! –finally gets the beaver to let go- What next? A kamikaze watermelon or something?

Kamikaze Watermelon: -doodoodoodoodoodoo-WEEEEEE! –splat-

Redrought: That… was… weird.

Commander Anthonius: Now we can say zeeky boogy doog without blowing stuff up!

Bellorum: NO!

Commander Anthonius: ZEEKY BOOGY DOOG!

Mara: Oh crap.

-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!-

Bellorum: Wait nothing happened.

Soren: Yeah but that must have been part kamikaze watermelon cause you're all covered in watermelon.

Announcer Dude: This outtake will be back…after these messages!

Other Announcer Guy: This outtake brought to you by…MENTOS! The fresh maker! –Mentos theme song plays-

Bellorum: That's a way to end it.

Soren: -shuts off the lights- THE END!

Commander Anthonius: It is?

Bellorum: Yes, it is. Shut up and go eat a donut or something.

Kamikaze watermelon: -doodoodoodoodoodoo- WEEEEEE! –splat-

Mara: Okay then.

Soren: But what did it splat ON?

Bellorum: -covered in watermelon- don't ask.

Well that's the end.

No seriously, it's the end.

GO AWAY! THAT'S THE END!

**

* * *

A/N: Hi there. Anyway did anyone see the Avatar season finale? IT WAS EVIL! HOW COULD THEY DO THAT! And Azula lied to Zuko about getting his honor back; I can't wait for season 3! Those EVIL Nickelodeon people! Reviews please! Anonymous reviews are ENABLED so there's no reason why you can't! **


	11. Thanksgiving Special 2006: Part 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the Poofing Remote.

**

* * *

Turkey Day**

Bellorum: -staring at turkey in oven and drooling-

Mara: Um, would you PLEASE stop drooling all over the kitchen floor.

Soren: What smells like turkey?

Thirrin: Maybe it's, you know, the TURKEY.

Tharaman: STEAK!

Me: NO! –jumps on his back- BAD GIANT SNOW LEOPARD!

Tharaman: I'm a giant snow leopard. You can't keep me away from turkey.

Me: This is MY house!

Bellorum: Actually it's your parents' house. You don't own a house, you're just a kid.

Mara: Way to ruin it.

Oskan: By the way, where ARE your parents?

Soren: Aruba.

Bellorum: A nursing home.

Oskan: NO, I meant the parents who own this house.

Me: Um, I don't know.

Bellorum: Way to go.

Me: Oh, shut up and go help Thirrin cut potatoes.

Mara: That might not be a good idea. coughKNIVEScough

Me: Yeah, but if he doesn't do something he's going to drool all over the floor AND drink all my parents' coffee.

Bellorum: YOU HAVE COFFEE! I COMMANDEER THIS COFFEE MAKER! Preciousssss…

Thirrin: How about General Smeagol over there goes to clean the bathroom.

Bellorum: Yick.

Thirrin: I'll throw potatoes at you if you don't.

Bellorum: Bring it.

-Potato Fight!-

Mara: Potatoes: You can boil 'em, you can mash 'em, you can stick 'em in a stew… and now you can throw them at people!

Bellorum: OW! They're all cold and wet and uncooked-potato-ey!

Thirrin: Give up yet?

Bellorum: NEVER!

Me: Stop it! You're wasting the potatoes!

Thirrin: This is NOT a waste!

Soren: You could at least give him something to fight back with.

Thirrin: Are you nuts?

Bellorum: -starts lobbing cranberry sauce at Thirrin-

Me: Oh no you don't!

Mara: -tackles Bellorum- Give…me…the…FOOD!

Soren: I don't know if this means anything, but the turkey is getting REALLY crispy right about now.

Me: Someone get the turkey! Thirrin, stop throwing potatoes! Bellorum, hand over that cranberry sauce!

Bellorum: You're sure you're not in the army?

Me: ALRIGHT SOLDIER! HAND OVER THE CRANBERRY SAUCE! NOW GO GET THE MOP AND CLEAN THIS KITCHEN!

Bellorum: YES MA'AM!

Me: I could get used to this…

**

* * *

A/N: Next up: Part 2 of Turkey Day! We finally get to the dinner! Anyway, leave reviews!**


	12. Thanksgiving Special 2006: Part 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Except of course the Amazingly Amazing Poofing Remote and the Bush-Chucks.

**A/N: **This too was written around Thanksgiving time, I didn't have the account then so I'm putting it on here now. Also, the Bush-Chucks are a "weapon" made of two Smush Bush toys on a string and they look kind of like nunchucks, so...yeah...

**

* * *

Turkey Day Part 2!!!**

Bellorum: Food...

Mara: Don't act like you're starving. You've been eating stuff the ENTIRE AFTERNOON!

Bellorum: Some people just have big appetites, you know?

Me: Okay, we've got sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, salad, green beans, cranberry sauce, turkey-

Tharaman: STEAK!

Me: No steak. But all the Thanksgiving-y stuff!

Tharaman: Phooey.

Commander Anthonius: Wait, what happens when your parents get home?

Me: They're at my cousins' house. Actually so am I.

Soren: But you're HERE!

Me: Never underestimate the remote.

Mara: You paid for this stuff right?

Me: No, Bellorum and Soren paid for it.

Soren: Well we had to! She went all army sergeant on us!

Bellorum: NEVER MIND! Foooooooooooooooooooooood! –digs in-

Commander Anthonius: FOOD WONDERFUL FOOD!

Charles Dickens: Thou art going DOWN! –sues him -

Thirrin: So he has your wacko remote too?

Me: No. How did he get here!

Bellorum: -all Oliver Twist-ish- May I have some more sir?

Me: I'm not a guy.

Charles Dickens: Thou art going DOWN! Again! –sues him…again…-

Me: Ok fine. You can have more mashed potatoes.

Bellorum: THANK YOU MA'AM! THIS AMMUNITION WILL BE USED FOR A GOOD AND JUST CAUSE!

Me: Ammunition…!

Bellorum: -starts throwing food at Thirrin-

Soren and Commander Anthonius: ATAAAAACK! –throw food-

Thirrin: Then prepare for the most unpleasant food fight of your entire life.

–gun cocking sound- -throws stuffing at them. It hits Mara in the face-

Mara: Oh no you DIDN'T! –grabs a turnip and holds it like a katana- SAMURAAAAI!

Thirrin: -grabs a carrot- Bring it!

Beavers: -throw salad- For our homieeeeeeeeees!

Magical Trevor: -magically pours gravy on Bellorum's head-

Bellorum: Oh no you didn't, wizard dude!

Oskan: -leads a charge from the kitchen throwing dinner rolls-  
Me: -goes all army-seargenty on them, then gives in and whips some dark meat at Commander Anthonius-

Mara: -sprays Tharaman with diet Coke-

Tharaman: MY FUR! YOU ARE GOING DOWN MARA! –throws boomerang turkey slices at her-

Thirrin:-knocks out the random staff officer with the ketchup bottle- I _am _thankful for this food!

Bellorum: -grabs big loaf of French bread-

Thirrin: -grabs other big loaf of French bread-

-and they start dueling like in Star Wars-

Bellorum: I AM YOUR FATHER!

Gangsta Beaver: -smacks Bellorum with salmon- WHO'S YO DADDY!

Me: -gets out the Bush-Chucks- HOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

The Avatar: I WILL DEFEAT YOU FIRE LORD!

Soren: Bring it on, baldy!

The Avatar: no one…insults…THE HAIR! –beats up Soren using the art of turkeybending-

-Half an hour later-

Me: Well, since we're all out of energy, who wants dessert?

Everyone: I do!

Army Sergeant Split Personality: WELL YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP FIRST, SOLDIERS! GO ON, GET THE MOPS!

-so we all clean up the mess and enjoy a happy Thanksgiving. The End.-

Commander Anthonius: It is?

Bellorum: Yes it is. Shut up and go eat pie.

* * *

And so, without further ado, happy Thanksgiving everybody! 


	13. Trojan Beavers

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except the beavers. Even the Killer Chihuahua is based on an actual Chihuahua…which does not belong to me.

**

* * *

The Trojan Beavers**

Herald Dude: -reads terms o' surrender- …and give into our keeping Thirrin Lindenshield… - finishes reading terms o' surrender-

Thirrin: Not on yo--- Waiiiit… huddle up!

Thirrin, Tharaman, Oskan and those people: whisperwhisperwhisper

Thirrin: Give us half an hour.

Bellorum: WHAT! Why can't you just surrender now?

Thirrin: Because I hate you and I know this gets on your nerves.

Bellorum: GAH!

Thirrin: -to her side- Okay which one of you can sew a Thirrin suit in half an hour? Oskan? Good. Beavers? Killer Chihuahua? Whisperwhisperwhisper

* * *

-Half an hour later-

Bellorum: OK time's up!

Beavers in Thirrin suit: -walk across plain-

Mara: THAT'S the queen of the Icemark?

Soren: Whoever she is, her plastic surgeon _sucks_. –FYI he's talking about the fact that there are visible stitches on the Thirrin suit-

Commander Anthonius: -hiding behind Bellorum- I'm not goin' near that thing! It looks like Chuckey!

Bellourum: Well okay then. RUN AWAY!

-all the staff officers are in Bellorum's tent. The Thirrin-Chuckey-thing is outside-

Commander Hadrian: What is that thing?

Mara: Somehow I doubt that THAT is Queen Thirrin.

Soren: But we won!

Everyone: -stares-

Bellorum: Well whatever it is, I'M GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT! –trumpet fanfare-

Mara: Wait, isn't THAT Thirrin? On the plain? In a beaver suit?

Bellorum: -is about to take off the headpiece of the Thirrin costume and figure out what's in it-

Killer Chihuahua: Ok troops, we come out on 3. 1…2…

Bellorum: So? Why is Thirrin out there in a beaver suit? She's right HERE! Wait a second… if

Killer Chihuahua: 3!!!! –jumps out followed by beavers- Ayayayayayayayay!

Bellorum: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Soren: -smacks forehead- Beavers in a Thirrin suit!

Killer Chihuahua: And a Chihuahua señor. Ayayayayayayayay!

Mara: run!

Thirrin: -watching the chaos in Bellorum's tent- That was funny.

Bellorum: -with the Chihuahua biting his ear- Rest assured Thirrin, I WILL GET MY REVENGE!

Thirrin: Uh huuuh. CHIHUAHUAS! SIC 'IM!

Bellorum: I'll be baaaaaaaack! Right…after…I… deal with these Chihuahuas… oh crap… MARA! HELP!!!!

* * *

**A/N: **Reviews are nice! 


	14. High School Musical: Casting

I just couldn't resist doing this. The Icemark characters put on a production of High School Musical…and chaos ensues! The movie is too cute even though it isn't the best, and the idea of the Icemark people doing the show is…well…bizarre but whatever. So without further ado…HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!!!!

But first, -sigh-, to remind you that I own nothing, so don't sue.

* * *

"I always wanted to perform High School Musical!" Soren said happily looking at the flyer-thingie that all the Icemark cast got.

"You can't have ALWAYS wanted to perform it, it just came out." Mara explained.

"WHAT! We're doing High School Musical!" said a person whose identity all you readers can probably guess. "I'm a scary evil genius army general! I DO NOT perform" here the Obvious Speaker pauses for breath "Disney Channel movies!"

"Finally it's my chance to be an actor!"

"Commander Anthonius, you're an officer in the army. Why would you want to be an actor?" Mara asked.

"It's my childhood dream, y'know? And Soren said HE always wanted to do High School Musical".

"You guys will be lucky to do ticket sales." Thirrin said poking her head over from the Other Side Of The Room, which is actually the other half of the room divided by a plywood wall. "And why's it so _dark_ over here?" She was referring to the fact that it was indeed very very dark and there was ominous music playing in the background.

"We're EVIL. It's the Dark Side of the Room okay?" said Mr. Obvious Speaker, who I should probably tell you is General Bellorum.

"The ominous music does seem a little much." Mara said.

"Ominous music is a must for every evil lair. It says right here in the Guide to Being Evil." Bellorum said pointing to a line in a book.

"One, this is not an evil LAIR, it is an evil ARMY HEADQUARTERS, and two, how can you even see what you're reading since it's so DARK!"

Thirrin meanwhile had gone back to the Icemark side of the room, which, I am happy to report, is much better lit than the Polypontian side. Everyone was having mixed reactions about doing High School Musical.

"I can't sing for my life!"

"I'm a giant CAT!"

"We're all out of cookies!"

"Hey! You guys got any coffee?" Someone yelled from the Dark Side of the Room.

"Shut up Bellorum, WHY would we give you any coffee?" Oskan the Warlock yelled back.

"Er, I don't know."

Thirrin threw a Thermos of coffee at him and it whacked him on the head. Mara took advantage of the General's momentary unconsciousness to turn off the ominous music, turn on the lights, and chuck the Guide to Being Evil out the window.

* * *

-THE NEXT DAY-

"Hey, the cast lists are out!" Oskan said when he woke up, "That was fast."

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL CAST LIST

Gabriella – Thirrin

Troy – Oskan

Sharpay – Mara

Ryan – Magical Trevor

The Drama Teacher- Elemnestra

Troy's Dad- Maggiore Totus

Everybody Else- Everyone else EXCEPT Commander Anthonius and Soren

Ticket Sales- Commander Anthonius

Concession Stand- Soren

Special Effects/Stunts/Exploding stuff- The ghosts

Janitor- Bellorum

And as you can probably guess everyone had different thoughts about the casting.

"I get to throw cheese fries on Mara!"

"I'm a scary evil genius army general! I AM NOT a JANITOR!"

"Cheer up, sir, at least you get to be…uh, wait, you're just the janitor. Sorry."

"I get cheese fries thrown at me!"

"I have to coach a basketball team!"

"How is MAGICAL TREVOR cast as Ryan?"

"Weehee! I get to be SIMON!"

"I get to EXPLODE STUFF!"

"Wait, there's no explosions or stunts in High School Musical!" said Walt Disney.

"There are now. It'll make it more interesting" said Theowin's ghost, who was holding one of those dynamite-exploder-trigger-box-thingies.

* * *

On the Dark Side of the Room Bellorum was sulking about being the janitor who doesn't even appear in the movie ("How can they do this? I'm a scary evil genius ar-" "Just shut up."), Soren was running around unrolling the ticket rolls all around the room and generally NOT acting army-ish, Commander Aurelius was stuffing himself with popcorn, and Mara was guarding the light switch and boombox so that there would be no more bad lighting and/or ominous music.

On Thirrin's side of the room (For lack of a better name. "Ha Ha! Ours is cooler!" "Shut up, Bellorum."), everyone was trying to teach Maggiore how to play basketball because he had to coach a team, and Elemnestra was practicing being Simon and criticizing them. ("I am powerful! Muahahahaha!"). Maggiore tried another shot and it bounced off the backboard, hit the wall, bounced off the ceiling fan, flew through the door to the Dark Side of the Room and hit Mara on the head. Bellorum took advantage of Mara's momentary unconsciousness to turn OFF the lights, turn ON the ominous music, and retrieve the Guide to Being Evil from where it had been chucked out the window.

At that moment some guys in suits (Disney Mickey Mouse suits to be exact. Complete with mouse ears and stupid looking pants) appeared in the Dark Side of the Room (and yes, I do mean APPEARED, as in out of thin air. Disneyland is a land of magic, tra la la…) holding Icemarky High School Musical cast lists. "It would seem that Magical Trevor, who was cast as Ryan, was hit on the head with a flying-"

"A flying ice cream truck?" Commander Anthonius asked.

"Ice cream? I want ice cream!" Soren said dropping the rolls of tickets.

"Er, not a flying ice cream truck. A flying Guide to Being Evil. Well, now Magical Trevor is in a coma and can't do the movie, so since Bellorum is the only person who is not cast, selling tickets or selling food-"

"WHOOPEE!" Commander Anthonius yelled.

"Get on with it!" Bellorum said.

"As much as we regret the decision you are going to have to play Ryan."

At that moment the wall between the Dark Side and Thirrin's Side exploded and Thirrin ran in yelling "WHAT! He can't act for his life!" The guys in Mickey Mouse suits disappeared (much to Oskan's relief, because he found them disturbing). Mara woke up, saw that it was dark, got up, and promptly tripped over a wombat and broke her toe, and a flying ice cream truck fell from the ceiling but ran out of gas and hovered about a foot above the boombox.

"Hey! It doesn't WORK like that!" Maggiore said. The ice cream truck fell on the boombox and set off the burglar alarm.

"Thank you SO much." Bellorum said sarcastically.

And in the middle of all this chaos someone put up rehearsal schedules.


	15. High School Musical: Rehearsal

This is the second chapter in the High School Musical arc, the rehearsal. Thanks to Blackfishy, Down with Drama, and Spiritual Bob for reviewing. Oh, and Silver Wind Kitsue even though she hasn't given me any signed reviews yet.

Dislaimer: I don't own the Icemark Chronicles. If I did, why would I be writing fan fiction for it?

* * *

**Icemarky High School Musical: First Rehearsal**

All the Icemark characters were standing around in the studio they had rented. As with the lounge room, the Icemark and their allies were standing on one side of the room, and the Empire on the other. The Empire's side was really badly lit –

"ARGH! BELLORUM! WHAT IS WITH YOU AND BAD LIGHTING!?!?!" Mara shouted as she entered the room.

Ahem. As I was saying, the Empire's side was badly lit. I hope Bellorum fixes that before Mara decides to take this outside.

The ghosts were floating above the living people. Commander Aurelius's ghost was floating over Bellorum's head, holding a watermelon, and he promptly dropped it. Pieces of slippery watermelon stuck in the general's hair and slid down his face, and the outside of the watermelon sat on his head like some sort of hat.

"Hey! Ghosts can't hold stuff!" Bellorum shouted with watermelon dripping off him. Thirrin just pointed and laughed.

"Exactly" replied Commander Aurelius's ghost, "That's why I dropped it."

I walked up to the stage and tapped the microphone, which made one of those really loud squeaky noises that hurt your ears. "Hello, and welcome to the first rehearsal of Icemark High School Musical."

Before I could continue, though, Sharpay walked through the doors, spun around and said "I'm _here_! Let the rehearsal begin!" She was followed by Gabriella, Troy, Ryan and the rest of the real High School Musical cast, except Zeek. "Hey, what are you doing in our studio?"

"Um," Thirrin said, "This is _our_ studio."

"No! We're staging High School Musical 2 today!"

"Good Lord, there's a _second_ one?" Oskan gaped.

"Can you guys, like, leave? _I_…um…cough…I mean _we_ are trying to perform!" Sharpay said snottily.

"Did you book the studio?" Thirrin asked.

"Err…no…"

"Then leave."

"Argh…fine…come on, we'll find _another_ studio." They left, and Zeek walked out of the closet.

"Can I come out now?" he asked. Oskan just raised an eyebrow. "And what are you people doing in our studio?"

"For the last time. It is our studio." Thirrin said.

"NO! I'm NOT leaving!"

"Um…Emeril's out there making…um…crème brulee!" Elemnestra's ghost said pointing at the door. Zeek ran out shouting "EMERIL! I am your greatest fan!"

Bellorum just stood there with looking like a blowfish. "Um…"

I coughed. "Well then. Maybe we could start the rehearsal now…?" But everyone was watching Commander Aurelius' ghost as he snuck up on Bellorum wielding a papaya, and then lobbed said papaya at the back of the feared general's head. Also, Redrought's ghost had disappeared from the room.

"Hey, where'd he go?" asked Elemnestra's ghost, "You can't just throw something out there and not follow up on it, it leaves readers hanging!"

"I think he said something about pointed sticks…" Theowin's ghost said, and then went to organize the special effects equipment. Not that any of that would be needed in the first scene or so Walt Disney hoped (he was still fuming over the fact that there were going to be special effects _at all_).

"YO, HOMIES!" the Gangsta Beaver yelled as he threw open the studio doors. Following him were several Chihuahuas, two Mentos commercial announcers, a few random housecarls and staff officers, the Snow Leopards (minus, of course, Tharaman, who was already there), Vampires and Wolf-folk, Olememnon, the Emperor and Senate, and a bunch of random ghosts that had decided to tag along.

"Oh thanks, I though it was that weirdo pink girl and the crème brulee guy again!" Oskan said, very much relieved.

"Meep!" Bellorum squeaked as he dove behind Theowin's ghost. But he forgot that ghosts are basically see-through…

"Hey, not-homiiiiiiiiiieeeeeee."

"Stay back, beaver, I'm warning you!" But of course the beaver didn't stay back and soon all you could see of general and large North American rodent was a cloud of dust, and all you could hear were sounds of a fistfight and the occasional chomp or slap of a beaver tail. The beavers, Chihuahuas and various other animals crowded around chanting, "Fight, fight, fight, fight!" It was finally broken up when the Emperor stuck his briefcase into the dust cloud and it reemerged with the beaver gnawing at a corner.

"So beaver, why are you even _here_?" Thirrin asked.

"Mphprhmushzlhmi"

"What?"

"We all wanted parts in this High School Musical shizzle, homie."

"NO!" Walt Disney ran in screaming, "NO, NO, **NO**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's bad enough you're using special effects, but this? Beavers? Undead? Small ferocious rats – I mean dogs! This can't be!"

"And yet, it is," Thirrin said. Walt Disney stormed off in a huff.

"Well, I guess you can all play the students and other cast." I said, and just waited for Walt Disney to run back in, having found even more stuff he thought was wrong with the production. When he failed to show, I continued, "So-o let's rehearse the first scene of High School Musical, the party where Gabriella and Troy meet."

"Am I in this scene?"

"No, Bellorum, you aren't in this scene. Ryan doesn't come in till later."

"Then what can I do?"

"Go chase some runaway coffee. I see a Thermos over there with your name on it," Thirrin said, pointing. And sure enough, there _was_ a Thermos, wrapped in pink ribbon, and it _did_ have Bellorum's name on it.

"Oh, I know!" Elemnestra's ghost cried, "He can operate the boom!"

"I thought Theowin's ghost was the boom operator." Oskan said confusedly.

"Did somebody say boom?!" Theowin's ghost yelled, pressing down on a dynamite fuse box trigger. Somewhere in the distance, there was a large boom of the explosion variety.

"And what _is_ this 'boom' of which you speak?" Bellorum asked, thinking of the explosion variety of boom. Elemnestra's ghost placed the boom in question in his hands. Or _hand_. Whatever. "It's a microphone…on a stick?"

"Yeah, pretty much!"

"I've been duped."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

After the assigning of parts to the new arrivals was finished, and Bellorum had learned how to use the boom and stopped trying to whack Thirrin with it, they were about ready to begin rehearsing th

"Thirrin, sit over here reading a book. Oskan, you're basically hanging out." Thirrin picked up a book, _How to Get Revenge on Army Generals_, and went to her spot. After ducking a wildly swinging boom ("BELLORUM!!!"), she sat down and waited for me to finish blocking. "You all know your lines, right?"

"Right!" most everyone replied. I say most everyone because Bellorum was dealing with a certain fro-wearing rodent that was gnawing on the boom.

"So let's get started!"

Redrought's ghost (who had returned with a large pointed stick) dimmed the lights, Commander Aurelius's ghost put on the party soundtrack, Bellorum shook the Gangsta Beaver off the boom and took a gulp from the coffee Thermos that had his name on it, and Thirrin eagerly turned the page in her book (Chapter Ten: Voodoo Dolls).

The last group got down from the stage where they were doing karaoke. It just so happened that it was the Gangsta Beaver and the Killer Chihuahua, rapping in Spanish. "Alright homies, who's next????" called the beaver. Thirrin was just sitting in the corner, reading her book with a little smile on her face.

"Hey, how about her?"

"And this guy!" someone said pointing to Oskan. Both of them tried to get out of it, saying they couldn't sing for their lives and why doesn't someone else do it ("Your MOM can't sing!" shouted a random person from the crowd, and was roasted by a burst of Power from White Annis' ghost.), but it didn't work. The Gangsta Beaver handed them both microphones and the lyrics to the song _Start of Something New _came up on the TV screens in front of them.

"Um…" Thirrin and Oskan both looked at each other, and began to sing. "_This is the start of something new, it feels so right, to be here with you_." Even though they had said they couldn't sing, they were perfect. Everyone took out imaginary lighters and waved them in the air, the Gangsta Beaver began to cry, and Bellorum finally figured out exactly why Thirrin had that little smile on her face while reading and his eye twitched. "_And now looking in your eyes, I feel in my heart, the start of something new_."

When the song ended, everyone applauded. "Hmph." Bellorum said.

Soren walked in, munching popcorn and with an entire roll of tickets wrapped around his head like a turban. "Oh come on, sir, just because YOU'RE tone-deaf -"

"Shut up."

Back on stage, everyone congratulated Thirrin and Oskan for their wonderful performance. The Gangsta Beaver pronounced them both Honorary Gangstas, and handed them their fro wigs and bling. I was amazed that it had gone so well on the first performance, aside from an extremely catchy Oldies dance tune that had been played when the party was beginning ("COMMANDER AURELIUS!!!!").

Bellorum drank the rest of the coffee from the Thermos with his name on it. "General Bellorum, I _really _don't think you should be drinking that." Mara said worriedly.

"Why not?" Mara just pointed to the tag on the Thermos – "From Thirrin". Before Bellorum or anyone else could react, there was a huge, ominous rumbling and high-pitched squeaking, and the doors of the studio were flung open by squirrels on the warpath, all headed for Bellorum. The general disappeared under the squeaking furry hordes, Thirrin and Oskan slapped high fives, and I slapped my forehead.

"NO! INFERNAL RODENTS! GET OFF ME! MARA! HELP!" The mariachi band that just happened to be there shrugged and began to play catchy Mexican music, and Oskan looked at the recipe for squirrel attack potion.

"Well I'll be…it really _does_ work!"

**

* * *

** One more chapter to go, and that's the actual performance of HSM. It seems to be going well…except for those squirrels. I wanted this to be a sort of reunion for all of the characters from the other chapters, and wrap up the whole "Operation Birthday Surprises" thing from way back in Chapter One. So I'm going to bring in the Kamikaze Watermelon, Zeeky H-bomb, Mr. Big Shoe and Mr. Weight, and those Mickey Mouse dudes from HSM Part One. 

After this there's only a few more stuff I need to post for Cry of the Icemark, and then I'll be done. Those basically will wrap the whole thing up and maybe lead into Blade of Fire a little bit. See you next time!


	16. High School Musical: Performance

I finally updated! Partly because it was about time and I wanted to get to the Blade of Fire, and Silver Wind Neko made this super-awesome Icemark story and then promised she wouldn't post it until I updated this. So now that this is done, post A Blade of Fire darnit!

And I just realized that I didn't put in the Zeeky H-Bomb, Kamikaze Watermelon, Mr. Big Shoe, Mr. Weight or the Mickey Mouse guys. But I can promise that everyone but the Mickey Mice will appear in the Blade of Fire Inboxes.

And thank you sooo much to everyone who reviewed!

Disclaimer: Does not belong to me. **

* * *

Icemarky High School Musical Part Three: Performance**

Thirrin and Oskan sat backstage, listening to the sounds of everyone getting ready for the filming. It was oddly peaceful, considering Bellorum and the Gangsta Beaver were in the same building (not to mention Bellorum and the ghosts, Bellorum and Thirrin, Bellorum and the Emperor…). At that moment a flash of brown fur streaked by carrying a microphone on a stick. "GIVE THAT BACK!" Bellorum yelled.

"NO POLE VAULTING WITH THE BOOM!" Mara called as she entered the room. But it was too late; the Gangsta Beaver had pole-vaulted over the costume rack and landed safely on top of the balcony in the cafeteria set.

"Nya-ha!"

"STUPID BEAVER!!!!!!!!"

Thirrin and Oskan looked at each other, they could figure out what was coming next.

Bellorum reappeared from another room with a scissors lift. "MUA HA HA! You can run but you can't hide, BEAVER!"

Oskan raised his eyebrows. "This will be amusing…"

**-one hour and several fire extinguishers later-**

"I still can't believe he blew up the scissors lift. I mean, all he did was turn it on." Oskan said as they watched the Emperor yell at Bellorum about what will eternally be known as "The Scissors Lift Incident II"

"What really disturbs me is the fact that it's number two. I mean, how could the world's most brilliant general blow up a scissors lift twice?"

"Believe me, it's possible. He blew up the coffee maker in his house, too. And the subsequent crater." Mara said as she walked by on her way to help clean up the fire extinguisher foam.

"He blew up a CRATER?!?" Oskan said incredulously. Thirrin continued to read her book (Chapter 12: Using Common Household Appliances in your Revenge Plot). _How to Get Revenge on Army Generals_ was proving to be very informative.

After some more work on the cast's part, and _tons_ of work on Bellorum's, the set was ready again. Mara locked away all construction machinery, household appliances and electronics in a closet to prevent any more Incidents, and they were about ready to start filming when…

_**BOOM!**_

"He blew up a STICK?!?!?!?"

-----------------------------

Since the Karaoke scene was done with already, the cast moved on to the next few scenes. Some went by without a hitch, and some went by with _several_ hitches (namely, Bellorum taking his janitor duties very seriously and crashing the floor waxer into a row of lockers). However, there was one problem…

"What do you mean; Elemnestra's ghost can't make it?" Mara asked.

"She just can't. Something about a tarsier and some mangos…"

"But we _need_ someone to play the drama teacher!"

"Bellorum?" the Emperor suggested, as the general tried to sharpen a pencil and succeeded in having the pencil sharpener explode in his face.

"No, he's playing Ryan…unfortunately. The only available people are Soren and Commander Anthonius."

"Well, I guess it'll have to be Soren. Commander Anthonius is having too much fun at the concession stand." As they spoke, Anthonius sprayed a jet of Sierra Mist in his face.

"Looks fun." Mara said. "SOREN!!!"

---------------------------

"That's it, Soren! Cram!" Thirrin said as she walked by. Soren was frantically trying to learn his lines in the fifteen minutes before the audition scene.

"I'm cramming as fast as I can!" Commander Anthonius said around a candy bar he had just crammed in his mouth.

"Chug, homie!" the Gangsta Beaver encouraged.

"Alright, out! All of you! He needs time to learn his lines!" Mara ordered.

"You can't order me around. And speaking of time, we've got five minutes." Thirrin snapped.

"AUGH!" Soren yelped, and began to flip pages in his script faster than was thought possible.

"Cram! Cram! Cram!" Anthonius chanted.

"You aren't helping!"

------------------------

"Um…" Soren looked at his script "This year's play will be about Romeo and Juliet, only they don't die and move to Pasadena."

"It's Albuquerque, Soren." Mara whispered from backstage.

"No, it says right here…"

"Let's just have them move to Frostmarris, alright?" Thirrin said. "Can we _please_ get on with this?"

"Yes, get on with it!" shouted the army of the Icemark, _Monty Python and the Holy Grail _style.

Various extras came out to do the audition scene, and then Mara and Bellorum were shoved onstage to do Ryan and Sharpay's part. "No! I don't sing!" No one listened. "Can I at least have my floor waxer?" The floor waxer was shoved onstage. "Woohoo!"

"Do we _have_ to sing?"

"Yes, you do have to sing! The movie is called High School MUSICAL!" Walt Disney yelled angrily.

Bellorum looked at his floor waxer and grinned evilly. "No, we don't."

And so it happened that instead of singing, Ryan rode a floor waxer around the stage doing tricks, and at the end, managed to explode the scissors lift that had been purchased to replace the other one and turn the floor waxer into a duck. "That was BRILLIANT!" Soren said, giving them a standing ovation. His wig slipped down to cover his face. Walt Disney scowled and Mara grabbed the nearest fire extinguisher and sprayed the remains of the scissors lift.

"It most certainly was _not_ brilliant! Ryan and Sharpay were supposed to sing, not do trick floor waxer riding!"

"And turning floor waxers into ducks. Don't forget that." Soren pointed out.

"THERE AREN'T ANY FLOOR WAXERS IN HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!"

"But this is a High School Musical _spoof_." Thirrin said. "And…who wrote this play? Romeo and Juliet don't even die? Come ON! And where the heck's Pasadena? I'm going to rewrite this!"

"See, Mara? I _told_ you it was Pasadena, but no, YOU didn't listen to me!" Soren said, removing his wig from his face.

"YOU'RE rewriting the play, Lindenshield?"

"Not the play. The whole movie."

"I could rewrite this a _million_ times better than you could."

"Why's that?"

"BECAUSE I AM SCIPIO BELLORUM!"

"Oh yeah? A hundred bucks I could write a better High School Musical than you."

"You're on, queenling!"

"You don't hear anyone in the _Navy_ talking about this sort of stuff…"Mara muttered.

----------------------------------------

It was break time on the set. The Icemark and the Polypontians were on different sides of the room again, and it was oddly quiet as Thirrin and Bellorum both tried to out-spoof each other. For once, the leaders weren't trying to kill each other, and even the ghosts had put away their pointed sticks and fruit. Walt Disney had left the studio sulking, convinced that his movie was destroyed beyond repair.

"Hmm…" Thirrin said, tapping her pen on the table.

"Well, you could put a special effects scene in. That would make things more interesting." Oskan suggested.

"We've got them going to school in Frostmarris so far, what can we do with that?"

"Sharpay can be a kangaroo."

"A _kangaroo_?"

"What was that about me???" Mara called.

"OMG! Can I be a _fabulous_ kangaroo?" the real Sharpay asked.

"Well…we do have a few mascot suits in the back…" Theowin's ghost said, "Maybe _one's _a kangaroo."

"YEAH! We're getting somewhere!"

"I'm getting somewhere FASTER!" Bellorum shouted from the Dark Side of the Room.

"Oh my God! If you don't turn these lights on you're going to ruin your eyes and be blind by the time you're forty!"

"I'm past forty. AND, it says right here, page 10 of the _Guide to Being Evil_, that evil lairs or army headquarters always need to be dark."

"Give me that book!"

"NEVER!"

"Arrrrrrrrgh…" Mara grabbed the _Guide to Being Evil_ and pulled. Bellorum pulled back and the book ripped in half.

"OH NO!"

"YES!"

"My _Guide to Being Evil_! Gone! It's all your fault, Mara!"

"I'm glad that thing's gone. Can we _please_ turn on the lights now?"

Bellorum sobbed in response. "All gone…and not coming back…PRECIOUS IS GONE HISSS!"

Thirrin just laughed, and continued to write her spoof, and Mara turned on the lights and duct-taped the switch in the "on" position.

"Thirrin, you could put in some Projectile Porcupines," Oskan suggested.

"Which are?"

"Porcupines that get thrown at stuff."

"When would we use that?"

"The scene where you throw the cheese fries at Mara."

"Oh no! You aren't throwing Projectile Porcupines at me!" Mara called, just as the lights in the studio went out.

"HA HA! YOU MAY HAVE TURNED ON THE LIGHTS IN THAT ONE ROOM, BUT I HAVE THE FUSE BOX! NYOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

------------------------------------------------

**THE CAFETERIA SET: CHEESE FRY SCENE **

Thirrin and Oskan were eating lunch together; Mara was up on the balcony in her Kangaroo suit, Soren was playing around with the popcorn machine and Bellorum was sitting in a corner working on the finishing touches of his spoof.

"Alright, places everyone!" called Theowin's ghost. "Is the special effects crew ready?" Redrought's ghost gave her the thumbs up. "Aaaaaaaaand…ACTION!"

"That new girl is such a n00b." Mara said, standing on the balcony.

"Yeah…help me finish this." Bellorum said absently. "I'm working on the last scene of my spoof."

"**ALL YOU MORTALS ARE N00BS! DEMONS WILL RULE…muhaha…-creepy laughter-" **

"What…was that?"

"The end is near! THE END IS NEAR!" yelled the random crazy guy, grabbing Bellorum by his shirt, "REPENT! REPENT!" Mara threw cheese fries at him.

Down on the cafeteria floor, Thirrin was coming back from the food line with a thing of cheese fries. The random crazy guy grabbed her arm and shouted "Artery clogging! Fast food is taking over the universe! REPENT AND EAT SALAD!!!!!!!!!!!" Thirrin shook him off, seriously creeped out, and continued on her way to her seat.

"Hey, new girl." Mara said.

"For the last time, the end is not – oh."

"I'm just here to tell you that you have no way of getting the lead role, at all. Why don't you just stay in your own clique like everyone else in this school and worship me?"

"One, I don't worship people who run around in kangaroo suits, and two, the people at this school are a bunch of n00bish lemmings if they do. And I can sing so much better than you!"

"Well, yes, they are. But you still have no chance! And I sing better than you, otherwise how could I have gotten into all the OTHER shows?!"

"You bribed the drama teacher."

"Shut up."

"It's true…"

"I said shut up! Gaah!"

"You know it's true…"

"You know what!"

"What?"

"The Icemark is stupid!" At that moment, the cafeteria got really quiet.

"Oh no you didn't…" Oskan said.

"THE END IS NEAR! THE END IS NEAR!!!!!!!!!" yelled the random crazy guy.

"You know what, Kangaroo Girl?"

"What?"

"Eat fries!" Thirrin yelled and threw her fries at Mara's face.

"AUUGH! I can feel my arteries clogging!" Bellorum grabbed his coffee and made for the scissor lift, Oskan armed himself with Cheez-Whiz, the Emperor hid under his briefcase, and everything sort of went downhill from there.

"That's what you get for calling the Icemark stupid!" Thirrin turned to walk away, but another order of cheese fries smacked her on the back of the head.

"Well, that's what YOU get for clogging my arteries!"

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" chanted the beavers and the Chihuahua. And they did. Soon, food was flying everywhere, and the cafeteria was in chaos. Thirrin and Mara threw cheese fries at each other nonstop, Bellorum managed to work the scissors lift without it exploding and drop food from great heights, Oskan grabbed the Three-Pronged Spatula and flung hamburger patties at anyone who came near, and the original High School Musical cast burst into song. It was clear that this had gone far beyond a simple argument about singing ability.

Just as it seemed the food fight was winding down, the wall of the cafeteria exploded and in charged the ghosts, armed with Flying Dutchman Brand Soul Pickles (The Pickle that's Supernaturally Good) and watermelons, the Mentos announcers with Mentos, Soren with a large turkey, the beavers with sticks, and the Killer Chihuahua with spicy habanero peppers. Walt Disney accompanied them ("I thought he was gone!") and shouted that they were supposed to be singing, not chucking semi-nutritious food at each other. This only made everyone pelt him with chicken wings. Oskan, Thirrin and Tharaman established a fortress in the kitchen, protected by a formidable Cheez-Whiz cannon, and Mara established a fortress on the balcony protected by a meat catapult.

Blood! Blast! And Fire!

----------------------------------------------

After the mother of all food fights, everyone decided to rest a day before filming the rest of the spoofified movie. Miraculously, not much went wrong, and everyone kept basically to Thirrin and Bellorum's scripts.

"Okay, it's the last scene," Theowin's ghost said, "When we're done with this, we can all get back to our lives" she looked pointedly at Bellorum "if we have them."

"Are you implying I have no life?"

"I'm not implying it. I'm stating it outright."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!" Tharaman said.

"Guys, guys! Lets just get finished with the scene, and THEN we can go back to trying to kill each other!" Soren yelled.

"Can't we just kill each other now?" Bellorum asked.

"NO, you may not."

"Why?"

"Just no, okay!"

"Fine…let's get done with the scene really fast then."

----------------------------------

**Last Scene…Last Song Verse…FINALLY. **

Singing how we're all in this together is overrated, which was why the last song wasn't really a song or dance, just a party. The ghosts brought out a DJ booth, lights and cheese fries, the Chihuahua brought spicy peppers, and the beavers were the life of the party.

"I'm so glad this is done!" Thirrin said, "Remind me _never_ to audition for _anything_ the rest of my life."

"I thought it was pretty fun how we all got to chuck food, actually. Remind _me_ never to challenge a hairless dog to chili pepper eating!" Oskan was panting and chugging milk after a hot pepper eating contest with the Killer Chihuahua.

"Well, the food fight _was_ fun…" Thirrin reflected on how good it felt to hit Bellorum in the face with a raw meat patty. The "fearsome" general rode by on a floor waxer, fleeing the beavers.

"Mara! Help! I'm being chased by large North American rodents!"

"I can see that."

"Don't just stand there, do something!"

"You're the one with the floor waxer, YOU do something!"

"What?"

"I don't know! Aren't you supposed to be a genius?"

"This is amusing." Oskan commented.

"I'll say." Thirrin filmed the entire incident and filed it as possible blackmail.

At that moment, the scoreboard exploded and the lights went out. There was a crash as the floor waxer collided with the bleachers.

"I meant to do that…"

"Then it worked very well, sir."

"Wait, didn't the scoreboard already explode? How's it here now?"

"Be quiet, Soren"

"Redrought's ghost! Can you turn the lights back on?" Oskan called.

"It wasn't me!!!"

"Than who…?" The wall of the gym exploded and in charged the real Sharpay and the rest of the High School Musical cast, armed with special effects equipment.

"Like, spoof THIS!" Sharpay yelled.

"Nooo! Give those back!" Theowin's ghost called.

And everything went downhill from there.

---------------------------------------------

**The Next Day – In Frostmarris**

"Well, that was interesting." Oskan said as he and Thirrin relaxed in the Great Hall.

"I'm just glad it's over."

"I have the film from it, if you wanted to know."

"The film of everything?"

"Yep. Including the last bit."

"DESTROY IT!" Bellorum, Mara and Soren stuck their heads in through a window. All three wore protective suits and carried flamethrowers.

"Why?"

"THAT THING IS PURE EVIL! EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!"

"It's just a film"

"You know, for once I agree with Bellorum. That film _is_ pure evil." Thirrin put in.

"Well, it _is_ stupid. But you rewrote it, so that's a reason to keep it around."

"I guess…" Thirrin said.

"And Bellorum, you…I don't know what you did."

"I rewrote it!"

"Not really. It was mostly Thirrin."

"Shut up!"

"Well, we could keep it around, just because." Tharaman suggested.

"Yeah, for blackmail." Thirrin said "I don't think Bellorum will want this getting put on YouTube"

"Don't you dare."

"What are you three doing in Frostmarris anyway? Aren't we _enemies_?"

"Oh, right."

"How did you get inside the walls?"

"Um…"

"Yeah, how _did_ we get inside the walls, sir?" Soren asked.

"Go away, before I call the guard."

"No! I don't think so!"

"Come on." Mara and Soren grabbed the back of the general's protective suit and dragged him back to the Empire's camp. There was silence in the Great Hall for a few moments until Oskan spoke.

"So, I heard they were making a second one."

"**NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"

**

* * *

The End ****

* * *

A/N: Woohoo! Finally done! I'm so relieved…now I can post the Blade of Fire stuff that's been filling up my documents organizer. This chapter took an abnormally long time to write and I'm sorry 'bout that. Next up there's a Halloween Special (written around Halloween with Silver Wind Neko), a random beyond belief thing written with Silver Wind Neko and Darth Wombat, and the Blade of Fire chatrooms. **


	17. Halloween Special: Costumes

ZE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL written by Boomerang Fish and Silver Wind Neko (AKA Clopin.)…

…what now.

Clopin: HALLOWEEN! HALLOWEEN! CANDY AND SWEETS AND GOOD THINGS TO EAT!

Fish: Um, no more candy for Clopin. I get it all. Mu ha ha.

Clopin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fish: What?

Clopin: It's not the candy! My porcupine just went down a river with my brother's wood (that he broke via Tae-Kwon-Do)

Fish: WHAT?

Goodbye, Porcupine. We will never forget you.

Now who were we just talking about?

DISCLAIMER: We don't own it. But I own my town in Halloween decorations, and Clopins kimono owned the Halloween parade.

Clopin: I also own this little bit of dialogue. You know you're jealous.

Fish: The Halloween Special is done in three parts, each shortish and a separate chapter because we couldn't write them all in one day. And I know it's past Thanksgiving and I'm just putting the Halloween Special up now...it's kind of sad. But anyway... BLADE OF FIRE RANDOMNESS BEGINS!

And so, without further ado, welcome to the...

* * *

Halloween Special of SCARY DOOM (or not)

**PART ONE: COSTUMES**

-strikingeagle has entered the room-

-machocheese has entered the room-

-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-

Strikingeagle: So what's everyone else dressing up for Halloween as?

Octaviustheoctopus: NINJA. With SHRUIKENS of doom.

Machocheese: Rubber chicken.

-2sexy4myevilness has entered the room-

2sexy4myevilness: I'm going to be a dude riding an OSTRICH.

Strikingeagle: Um…I'm just wearing a kimono.

2sexy4myevilness: OH MY DEUS! YOUR GUY'S COSTUMES MATCH!

Machocheese: Your guys's grammar is so bad.

Octavioustheoctopus: ACK! That wasn't planned! I didn't stalk you and figure out what your costume was going to be!

Strikingeagle: …

2sexy4myevilness: You guys could go as one of those couple costumes!

Octaviustheoctopus: …

-shadowofthestorm has entered the room-

-ihaveabeard has entered the room-

Octaviustheoctopus: Yes you do have a beard, Mekhmet.

Ihaveabeard: Sharley and I are going as a camel and a dude riding a camel.

Strikingeagle: You guys could go as a couple costume!

Shadowofstorm: AUUUUGH!

Ihaveabeard: Wait a minute. Cressida and Octavius, your costumes match!

2sexy4myevilness: Yep. They're a couple.

Octaviustheoctopus: NO WE ARE NOT!

2sexy4myevilness: Yes you are! You can't hide what's inside!

Octaviustheoctopus: I think it's time for another Halloween murder.

2sexy4myevilness: When's the Honeymoon! Can I be best man?

Strikingeagle: You better trick or treat when its still light out.

Ihaveabeard: You could put, like, SHRUIKENS in your costume and be a girl ninja, then you'd match your boyfriend more.

Octaviustheoctopus: GET OUT!

-2sexy4myevilness has left the room-

-ihaveabeard has left the room-

-shadowofthestorm has left the room-

-machocheese has left the room-

Octaviustheoctopus: Umm… doyouwanttogotrickortreatingwithmecressida!?

Strikingeagle: Say that one more time. SLOWER.

Octaviustheoctopus: do you want to go trick-or-treating with me Cressida?

Strikingeagle: Er… sure.

-machocheese has entered the room-

-2sexy4myevilness has entered the room-

2sexy4myevilness: AHA! CAUGHT YOU!

Machocheese: Stay away from my sister!

-machocheese has left, being chased by strikingeagle-

-2sexy4myevilness has left the room, octaviustheoctopus chasing him-

-emochick has entered the room-

Emochick: Umm, Sulla? Do you want to go trick-or-treating with me?

**

* * *

Boomerang Fish here. So how'd it go? That was half me and half Silver Wind Neko. She wrote from when Eodred, Sulla, Sharley and Mekhmet leave the room until the end, and up until that point was me. **

**R&R and Happy Halloween!**

**And stay tuned for more of the Halloween Special coming up next on Icemark Inboxes. **


	18. Halloween Special: Halloween Spirit

**This is Part Two of the Icemark Inboxes Halloween Special, written by me, Boomerang Fish. Silver Wind Neko wasn't a part of this one. And I just have to point out, Medea was waywaywaywayWAY OOC in the last chapter, and I had nothing to do with that ending line. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own it but I DO own...wait, I own nothing.****

* * *

PART 2: HALLOWEEN SPIRIT**

-coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-

-wildcat has entered the room-

-mara-anheim has entered the room-

Coffeeisbeastly: Hey Lindenshield

Wildcat: Shut up before you make yourself look even stupider.

Coffeeisbeasly: THAT is IT.

Mara-anheim: What's what?

Coffeeisbeastly: SHE HAS CALLED ME STUPID FOR THE LAST TIME! I IS THE WORLDS MOST BRILLIANT GENERAL!

Mara-anhiem: You just said "I is".

Coffeeisbeastly: …er. Oops.

Mara-anheim: Just don't talk, okay?

Coffeeisbeastly: But I have a burning question!

Wildcat: Which is?

Coffeeisbeastly: WHO decorated our defenses with HALLOWEEN STUFF?

-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-

Octaviustheoctopus: NOT ME!

-octaviustheoctopus has left the room-

Coffeeisbeastly: I could have sworn it was one of you barbarians. It seems like the sort of superstitious holiday you would have.

Mara-anheim: Hello, we celebrate it too!

Wildcat: Please, we have better things to do than be your decorators.

Coffeeisbeastly: Well I'm getting rid of it! I hate Halloween!

Wildcat: EVIL!

Mara-anhiem: -holds small cross and garlic-

-lightningwarlock has entered the room-

Lightningwarlock: But how could anyone hate Halloween! Nobody can hate free candy and dressing up in costumes!

Coffeeisbeastly: Nobody but me.

Wildcat: But WHY!

Mara-anheim: He thinks it's superstitious and irrational and celebrates all the stuff he hates. Plus it mentions Vampires.

-vampireking has entered the room-

Vampireking: WOOHOO!

Coffeeisbeastly: Get out you giant oversized bat! I…have a STICK –has stick-

Vampireking: HISSSSSSSSSSSS!

Coffeeisbeastly: Meep...er...LOOK A GIANT CHICKEN!

-coffeeisbeastly has left the room in a hurry-

Wildcat: But I don't understand! How could anyone hate Halloween!

Vampireking: I KNOW! It's the best holiday EVER!

Mara-anheim: You know, someone should help him get a little Halloween spirit.

-sorenssocks has entered the room-

Sorenssocks: I has a plan!

Mara-anheim: You has good grammar too.

Sorenssocks: Sorry. Well, my plan is…

-**twenty minutes later- Bellorum is in a guinea pig costume. **

Coffeeisbeastly: I don't care! I'm not going out in this!

2sexy4myevilness: Please!

Octaviustheoctopus: Two words, Dad. FREE CANDY.

Coffeeisbeastly: Nope.

Mara-anheim: Please?

Coffeeisbeastly: NO! Get me out of this! I'm over sixty! People my age don't trick or treat!

Octaviustheoctopus: But no one will know it's you!

Coffeisbeastly: Well, Soren just stuck a nametag on my forehead, so...

Mara-anheim: I'm going to duct-tape the headpiece on and then you'll NEVER get out if you don't trick or treat.

Coffeeisbeastly: Gaaaaargh…fine. You win. But on one condition.

2sexy4myevilness: But if we're the ones who won, we get to say the conditions.

Coffeeisbeastly: Shut up. The condition is that Lindenshield and the Vampire King don't hear about this.

Octaviustheoctopus: Our lips are sealed. Come on.

Coffeeisbeastly: Wait one minute.

Octaviustheoctopus: What?

Coffeeisbeastly: I has...

Mara-anheim: You HAVE.

Coffeeisbeastly: I HAVE a plan...

**-one minute later-**

Wildcat: OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT!

Lightning-warlock: Scary!

-Bellorum has whipped cream around the mouth of his guinea pig costume. He's a dead rabid zombie guinea pig-

Coffeeisbeastly: Heh heh heh. I LIKE Halloween.

**And that is how General Bellorum found some Halloween spirit.  
Stay safe from Dead Rabid Zombie Guinea Pigs...avoid dark alleys after spraying yourself with Cheez-Whiz. **

**And stay tuned for Part 3: Scary Stories, to find out whether souls really do look like pickles. **


	19. Halloween Special: Scary Stories

**Disclaimer: Yes, the story Bellorum tells is from SpongeBob. I did that on PURPOSE. Sulla and Mara comment on how unoriginal he is. Oh, and Icemark doesn't belong to me either. **

**So, have fun! And keep your soul pickle safe! 

* * *

**

PART THREE: SCARY STORIES

-coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-

-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-

-2sexy4myevilness has entered the room-

-mara-anheim has entered the room-

Mara-anheim: So-o, why are we here?

Coffeeisbeastly: So I can scare you all with my amazing scary stories!

-wildcat has entered the room-

Wildcat: The only scary story around here is your face.

Octaviustheoctopus: OHHHHHHHHHHHH!

-wildcat has left the room-

Mara-anheim: Bellorum, your scary stories aren't scary at all.

Coffeeisbeastly: SOREN was scared last Halloween!

Mara-anheim: You know what else scares Soren? Rubber chickens.

Coffeeisbeastly: Right. Well, THIS year I have the most amazing scary story EVER! It's about the Flying Dutchman!

Mara-anheim: Were you watching the SpongeBob SquarePants Halloween Special again?

Coffeeisbeastly: NO I WAS NOT! Well, every Halloween night, the Flying Dutchman flies around –has burger and is making it fly around- collecting souls and putting them in his soul bag.

Mara-anhiem: This is from SpongeBob.

Octaviustheoctopus: Why does the Flying Dutchman's ship look like a burger?

Coffeeisbeastly: Because he was on Pimp My Ride. Well, he flies around and when he sees someone he takes their soul and –

2sexy4myevilness: Should I be scared?

2sexy4myevilness: And wasn't this on SpongeBob?

Coffeeisbeastly: Be quiet and stop interrupting! He takes the souls (has pickle) to DAVY JONES'S LOCKER!

Octaviustheoctopus: Do souls look like pickles?

Coffeeisbeastly: As a matter of fact they do.

Octaviustheoctopus: Oh, okay.

Mara-anheim: I'VE COME FOR YOUR PICKLE!!!!!!!!!

Octaviustheoctopus: AAAAAA – oh, it's just you Mara.

-flyingdutchman has entered the room-

Flyingdutchman: I'VE COME FOR YOUR PICKLE!

Octaviustheoctopus: Nice try, Mara, but I'm not falling for it again!

Mara-anheim: I'm over here.

Octaviustheoctopus: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

2sexy4myevilness: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Flyingdutchman: I will take all your souls…to DAVY JONES'S LOCKER!

Octaviustheoctopus: Davy Jones…that guy with a squid for a face? He's ugly.

Flyingdutchman: That's my mom, Davis Jones.

Octaviustheoctopus: Your mom's name is DAVIS?

Flyingdutchman: For making fun of my mom's man-name, YOU'RE going to Davy Jones's locker FIRST!

Octaviustheoctopus: But I can't even open my OWN locker!

Flyingdutchman: Wow, you're stupid.

Octaviustheoctopus: Well, your mom's name is Davis.

Flyingdutchman: Come to Davy Jones's locker! But first I have to get rid of this one guy's ugly mask.

Coffeeisbeastly: HEY! That's not a mask, that's my face.

Flyingdutchman: Ohhh…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

-flyingdutchman has left the room-

Coffeeisbeastly: argh.

Mara-anheim: You just got dissed…by a ghost with pickles.

Coffeeisbeastly: Shut up.

2sexy4myevilness: Well, that was interesting!

Octaviustheoctopus: Yeah! I got to meet a real ghost with a mom named Davis!

2sexy4myevilness: You are stupid.

Octaviustheoctopus: Well, I may be stupid, but I am NOT dumb!

2sexy4myevilness: …

Octaviustheoctopus: Got ya there!

Coffeeisbeastly: I'm very concerned.

-octaviustheoctopus has left the room-

-2sexy4myevilness has left the room-

-mara-anheim has left the room-

-coffeeisbeastly has left the room-

* * *

**A/N: So that was the Halloween Special. Review please! **


	20. Chatroom: Bellorum Jokes

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...BLADE OF FIRE INBOXES! WOOOO! Finally! I'm hoping to add their Voicemail and do more chatrooms this time around. The reason this chatroom's first is because I couldn't think of any email subjects - gah.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Icemark Chronicles. However I DO own a spiffy new copy of Blade of Fire, which just rocks your socks off. You just KNOW you're jealous. Well, since it's been more than half a year since the book came out...it's probably not that spiffy or new anymore. But whatever.

Monty Python army: GET ON WITH IT!

* * *

**CHATROOM: BELLORUM JOKES**

-wildcat has entered the room-

-lightning-warlock has entered the room-

-coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-

Wildcat: What are you doing here!

Lightning-warlock: I'm your husband!

Wildcat: Oskan, you know who I'm talking about

Coffeeisbeastly: YOU got MARRIED??!?!?!?!?!?!?

Wildcat: Yes, I did.

Coffeeisbeastly: Who'd marry YOU!

Lightning-warlock: Me.

Coffeeisbeastly: Well you're stupid.

Wildcat: Um, look who's talking

Coffeeisbeastly: I'm NOT stupid! I'm a scary evil genius army general!

Wildcat: Your screen name is coffeeisbeastly. That's stupid.

Coffeeisbeastly: Coffee IS beastly!

Wildcat: And you came back to invade AFTER we beat you last time.

-mara-anheim has entered the room-

Mara-anheim: I would like to point out, on behalf of the officers who are ACTUALLY SMART, that invading again was entirely Bellorum's stupid idea.

Coffeeisbeastly: Thank you, Mara.

Mara-anheim: You're welcome.

-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-

-2sexy4myevilness has entered the room-

-strikingeagle has entered the room-

strikingeagle: Sulla, is that seriously your screen name?

2sexy4myevilness: YES.

strikingeagle: What…the…hell.

octaviustheoctopus: Hey, if we're talking about how stupid Dad is then I have a few words to say.

Coffeeisbeastly: Finally, someone supports my idea!

octaviustheoctopus: No, I was going to say it was stupid.

Coffeeisbeastly: What! Why?

octaviustheoctopus: Because I missed the release of the Wii, the PS3, AND the Xbox 360!

-shadowofstorm has entered the room-

-Medea has entered the room-

Medea: Ew, SHARLEY'S here?

Shadowofstorm: Ew, MEDEA'S here?

-Medea has left the room-

Mara-anheim: Sibling rivalry much?

Shadowofstorm: Nah.

Wildcat: Can we get back on topic? Please?

-snowleopardthar has entered the room-

Snowleopardthar: Which is?

Wildcat: Bellorum jokes.

-Tharina has entered the room-

Tharina: That sounds fun!

Coffeeisbeastly: Is there anyone here who DOESN'T hate me?

2sexy4myevilness: I don't!

octaviustheoctopus: I don't!

Mara-anheim: I DO!

Coffeeisbeastly: -glare-

Mara-anheim: Um, I meant to say I do NOT!

Coffeeisbeastly: That's good.

Mara-anheim: …idiot.

Coffeeisbeastly: What was that!

Mara-anheim: Nothing…

Lightning-warlock: Bellorum, you ARE stupid. I mean, we beat you last time.

Wildcat: And I was what, 14? That's pathetic, man.

Coffeeisbeastly: Now I have come back for revenge! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Wildcat: If I had a nickel for every time I heard THAT.

Shadowofstorm: That coming from a guy whose screen name is coffeeisbeastly? Not scary.

Coffeeisbeastly: You know what! Names aren't everything!

Wildcat: I'm just saying, you have to be PRETTY dumb.

-Cheesyfeets has entered the room-

Cheesyfeets: To quote from the book, you're "about as bright as a half-eaten bacon sandwich"

Lightning-warlock: That's my quote.

Snowleopardthar: No its not. It's mine.

Lightning-warlock: Whatever.

Coffeeisbeastly: When I take over the world, YOU are first on my list.

Wildcat: IF you take over the world. And I thought I was first on your list!

Coffeeisbeastly: Scratch that. Oskan you're SECOND.

strikingeagle: Yeah, why ARE you invading again?

Coffeeisbeastly: I told you! So I can get my revenge! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

strikingeagle: Sorry to rain on your parade, but that's stupid.

Wildcat: Looks like someone fell off the stupid tree and hit all the branches on the way down.

Coffeeisbeastly: Hey!

strikingeagle: The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

Coffeeisbeastly: Excuse me! My hamsters are very much alive!

Werewolf-king: I'd say he's about one Froot Loop shy of a whole box.

Lightning-warlock: He's so dense light bends around him

Snow-tharina: He forgot to pay his brain bill.

Snowleopardthar: The gate's down, the lights are flashing, but the train just isn't coming.

Shadowofstorm: Hey, guess what! He keeps a coat hanger in the backseat in case he locks the keys in the car!

Mara-anheim: HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-prince-cerdics-ghost has entered the room-

Prince-cerdics-ghost: Hey! I just robbed Bellorum's car and I found a coat hanger in the backseat!

Coffeeisbeastly: I will get my revenge! Stupid Vikings…

-coffeeisbeastly has left the room-

Mara-anheim: That last line? That was pathetic. I have to teach him how to be evil.

-mara-anheim has left the room-

-2sexy4myevilness has left the room-

-Octaviustheoctopus has left the room-

Wildcat: That was fun!

Lightning-warlock: What are Vikings?

Wildcat: Anyone want to play Bubble Trouble?

-lightning-warlock has left the room-

-everyone else has left the room-

-redroughtsghost has entered the room-

Redroughtsghost: Hello? Anyone here?

-redroughtsghost has left the room-

* * *

A/N: All stupid jokes are from the Prairie Home Companion Annual Joke Show. This chapter established the fact that Octavius is slightly obsessed with video games, and Mara saying that she has to teach Bellorum how to be evil is setting up for the next chatroom.

Oh, and Cheesyfeets is Grishmak. All the other screen names should be easy to figure out. Medea's screen name is just her name because she doesn't seem like the type of person to have a really crazy one. This chatroom, and the next three, are old Blade of Fire chatrooms that I wrote back in September, and they don't have every character in them (Medea only shows up once in this chatroom), but I'm going to try and fix that. Also, I'm going to go back and edit the earlier Cry of the Icemark chatrooms, since I'm really starting to hate them.

Coming Soon- Chatroom: Real Men – Mara has had enough of this! Bellorum has been going around with his hands on his hips for the LAST TIME! Welcome to the How to be Evil Clinic – on AIM!


	21. Chatroom: Real Men

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Jeez, where have all my witty and hysterical (well, maybe not that much), or at least creative, disclaimers gone? Kidnapped by plot bunnies, I have no doubt. **

* * *

**Chatroom: Real Men**

-mara-anheim has entered the room-

-coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-

Coffeeisbeastly: remind me again why you're making me do this?

Mara-anheim: because. You, Sulla and Octavius are always riding around with your hands on your hips and it's really annoying me, because only GIRLS do that, and you are MEN, and what's more you are EVIL men, and it gives the entire army a bad rep!

-wildcat has entered the room-

Wildcat: like you don't already have a bad rep?

Mara-anheim: the one where our commander in chief is a girly-man. NOT the evil cold and ruthless one.

Coffeeisbeastly: get out Lindenshield, before I annoy you so much with my not-manlyness that your head explodes!

Wildcat: that's REALLY scary. And I was just leaving, there's too much pathetic in this room.

Coffeeisbeastly:..

-wildcat has left the room-

-Arnold Schwarzenegger has entered the room-

Arnold Schwarzenegger: you are a girly-man.

Coffeisbeastly: that's completely preposterous! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go have tea and cookies.

Mara-anheim: …

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Now, I have to go do one of my movies and govern California! GET TO THE CHOPPER!!!!!!!!

-Arnold Schwarzenegger has left the room-

Mara-anheim: see? SEE? Everyone thinks you're a girly-man! Even the senate is laughing at you.

Senators: -stop laughing- What? Laugh? Us? That's crazy, why would we laugh at YOU? –break down into hysterical fits of laughter-

Sorenssocks: Oh no they didn't.

Coffeeisbeastly: That's a new low. Even for them.

Emperor: Really? I think it's a new high.

Mara-anheim: See? Now if you really want to inspire fear, then –

Coffeeisbeastly: OH! I LOVE INSPIRING FEAR! NYOHOHOHOHOH!

Mara-anheim: Then you have to lose the hand on hips thing.

-2sexy4myevilness has entered the room-

2sexy4myevilness: The hand on hips thing is the…um…-looks in book- our characteristically arrogant riding style. Whatever that means…

-2sexy4myevilness has left the room-

Mara-anheim: And, change your screen name.

Coffeeisbeastly: What! I love this screen name! Coffee is beastly. It's a fact.

Mara-anheim: Well, it isn't scary. To be evil you have to SOUND evil. And that means lose the laugh too.

Coffeeisbeastly: Ok. Fine. I'll change my screen name.

Mara-anheim: GOOD! Try "Mr Pink"

Coffeeisbeastly: that works I think I'll – HEY!

Mara-anheim: -hysterical fits of laughter-

Coffeeisbeastly: I'll get you for that Mara. MARK MY WORDS!

Mara-anheim: -laughs harder-

Coffeeisbeastly: what's so funny?

Mara-anheim: nothing…HAHAHAHAHA!

Coffeeisbeastly: I DEMAND to know what's so funny!

Mara-anheim: Ok I'll tell you. The ENTIRE Senate has been reading this conversation!

Coffeeisbeastly: THIS WAS ALL A SETUP! WHY YOU #$)&)#&)(!

Senate: ha ha ha! We now have official and undisputable proof you are a girly-man!

Coffeeisbeastly: I hate you all!

Wildcat: I'm going to print this out and send it to EVERYONE!

Arnold Schwarzenegger: You are STILL a girly-man!

Coffeeisbeastly: I've been tricked!

octaviustheoctopus: Duped!

2sexy4myevilness: YOU'VE BEEN SMACKELDORFED!

Coffeeisbeastly: That's not even a word and I agree with you!

Wildcat: And what's more, you need to be less of a coward!

Coffeeisbeastly: I am not a coward.

Lightning-warlock: Yes you are! You ran away from battle twice, no thrice! The Asgard Cut too!

Coffeeisbeastly: It's called saving your butt, ACTUALLY.

Minstrels: -strumming ukuleles- WHEN DANGER REARED ITS UGLY HEAD HE BRAVELY TURNED HIS TAIL AND FLED!

Coffeeisbeastly: I DIDN'T!

Mara-anheim: Yes you did!

Coffeeisbeastly: Whose side are you on anyway!

Mara-anheim: The side that gives me cookies.

Coffeeisbeastly: That's what I like about you. You're so loyal.

Mara-anheim: I am aren't I?

Wildcat: Let's leave. There's STILL too much pathetic in this room.

Coffeeisbeastly: I'll get you for this Lindenshield!

Emperor: That's NOT cheesy.

Wildcat: What'd _I _do?

Coffeeisbeastly: You were born.

Emperor: Yet again, scary.

Coffeeisbeastly: OH YEAH LIKE YOUR'E DOING SO WELL AT YOUR JOB!

Emperor: -points to pink slips-

Coffeeisbeastly: you're doing a wonderful job.

-Arnold Schwarzenegger has left the room to govern California-

-The Senate has left the room to go make fun of Bellorum-

-Mara-anheim has left the room to blast this conversation all over the Internet-

-Coffeeisbeastly has left the room to tackle Mara-

-Wildcat has left the room to laugh at them all-

-desertprince has entered the room-

Desertprince: anyone here?

Zebras: we are!

-desertprince has left the room-

* * *

**A/N: I had to make fun of the hands-on-hips thing, it's just so make-fun-of-able. This isn't exactly my favorite chatroom, but I still like it. **

**Reviews are nice.**


	22. Chatroom: Evil Laughter 101

Disclaimer: The Icemark Chronicles belongs to Stuart Hill, and the idea for the Southern Purple Man-eating Wombats belongs to my friend Darth Wombat ( The Consul).

* * *

Chatroom: Evil Laughter 101 

-Coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-

Coffeeisbeastly: Is anyone here?! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!

Coffeeisbeastly: ANYONE?

Coffeeisbeastly: Ok I KNOW Mara's here somewhere, she called in sick today and I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

-mara-anheim has entered the room-

Mara-anheim: gah, WHAT?

Coffeeisbeastly: My laugh's broken.

Mara-anheim: That's IT? Well then, I'm glad it's gone. It was driving me crazy.

Coffeeisbeastly: IT WAS YOU! YOU STOLE THE LAUGH AND FED IT TO MONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!

Mara-anheim: not really. But ok.

-2sexy4myevilness has entered the room-

2sexy4myevilness: Dad? Are you all right?

Coffeeisbeastly: No. My laugh's broken.

-wildcat has entered the room-

Wildcat: Your laugh's broken? HA!

Coffeeisbeastly: I hate you. Leave.

Wildcat: Technically you can't order me around, since, I'm a queen and YOU are just an army general.

Coffeeisbeastly: JUST an army general!? You forgot the scary evil genius part.

-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-

Octaviustheoctopus: and the fake hand part.

2sexy4myevilness: ehmagawd FAKE HANDS.

-strikingeagle has entered the room-

Strikingealge: Ok, what's going on!

Coffeeisbeastly: MY LAUGH BROKE! AND SO FAR ALL ANYONE'S DONE IS LAUGH AT ME!

Wildcat: We aren't laughing at you. We're laughing WITH you, except you aren't laughing.

Strikingeagle: How do you break a laugh?

Coffeeisbeastly: I have no idea. But I can't evilly laugh anymore!

Wildcat: Does this possibly have anything to do with the fact that you haven't attacked Frostmarris yet today?

-sorenssocks has entered the room-

Sorenssocks: Yes. He's been so preoccupied –

Octaviustheocopus: with 1985?

Sorenssocks: WITH HIS LAUGH that he hasn't had time to do anything else.

-lightning-warlock has entered the room-

Lightning-warlock: Maybe you lost your laugh box.

Coffeeisbeastly: my laugh WHAT?

sorenssocks: Your laugh box. Like your voice box, only for laughs.

Wildcat: If he has one, it's probably small, shriveled and dead.

Coffeeisbeastly: THANK YOU.

Lightning-warlock: Well no matter how small shriveled and dead it is, you probably lost it.

Coffeeisbeastly: LOSE?!?!?! I never lose anything!

Mara-anheim: What about the battle plans for this campaign?

Coffeeisbeastly: Well…yeah…but…

Mara-anheim: And your hand?

Coffeeisbeastly: Shut up.

Mara-anheim: And the last war with the Icemark?

Coffeeisbeastly: SHUT UP! What can I do to make you SHUT UP!

Mara-anheim: you can give me 20 dollars.

Coffeeisbeastly: Okay fine, here you go.

Mara-anheim: aaaaaaaaaand you just lost your money.

Coffeeisbeastly: GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coffeeisbeastly: WHY IS NO ONE HELPING ME GET MY LAUGH BACK!!!!!!!! I CAN'T BE EVIL WITHOUT MY LAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-theemperor has entered the room-

Theemperor: why are you so obsessed with your laugh?

Coffeeisbeastly: It is my evil laugh and everyone knows it's mine and if they hear it they RUN IN FEAR NYEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHE!

Wildcat: Wow. It really is broken and sounding more disturbing than usual.

Octaviustheoctopus: Everyone runs in fear except for the Southern Purple Man-eating Wombats that live in the center of the Earth.

2sexy4myevilness: Maybe the Southern Purple Man-eating Wombats stole it.

Strikingealge: And what, pray tell, is a Southern Purple Man-eating Wombat?

Octaviustheoctopus: They're purple wombats with sharp pointy teeth, they came from Mars in an escape pod to take over the earth and establish a base camp in the center of the planet because it's a good recon base from which they could launch their devastating attack and BLOW UP EVERYTHING AND THEN DRAGONS WILL RULE MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Strikingeagle: Um…

2sexy4myevilness: If you want you can join our strike team and help eliminate the wombat menace.

Strikingeagle: I think I'll pass on that, thanks.

Octaviustheoctopus: Shhhh…there's one now…

2sexy4myevilness: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE OVER THE EARTH YOU EVIL MARSUPIAL!!! –loud battle noises-

Mara-anheim: Uh, Sulla, you were shooting at a purple SOCK.

2sexy4myevilness: The wombats are masters of disguise.

Strikingealge: I really don't know how you guys got your reputation.

Octaviustheoctopus: What reputation?

Strikingeagle: The EVIL one! You're so stupid!

Octaviustheoctopus: Thank ---HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2sexy4myevilness: The WOMBATS did it. IT'S THEIR FAULT!

Strikingeagle: So your dad could be Southern Purple Man-eating Wombats in disguise?

Octaviustheoctopus: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! Wait…

2sexy4myevilness: -points at Bellorum- You may try, wombats, but you'll never match this superior intellect OW!!!

Octaviustheoctopus: You tried to tap your head…but poked yourself in the eye. Wow.

Strikingeagle: That's sad.

Coffeeisbeastly: COULD WE GET BACK TO FINDING MY LAUGH? PLEASE?

Wildcat: No, I actually like you losing sleep over this laugh thing. It's funny.

Mara-anheim: Just throwing out ideas here, maybe the "Southern Purple Man-eating Wombats" took it.

Octaviustheoctopus: That would be SO like them.

Strikingeagle: I'm getting stupider listening to you guys, aren't I?

2sexy4myevilness: Cressida, that's impossible. You couldn't get any more stupid.

Octaviustheoctopus: Oh no you didn't…

Strikingeagle: That's IT.

2sexy4myevilness: Should I run now?

Strikingeagle: BLOOD! BLAST! AND FIRE!!!!!!!!

2sexy4myevilness: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Octaviustheoctopus: …

Octaviustheoctopus: Bets, place your bets here…

Mara-anheim: Quick, Bellorum! Try laughing now!

Coffeeisbeastly: As funny as this is, The Laugh only works when I'm thinking something evil.

Mara-anheim: Right. Here's a porcupine on a stick. Think something evil.

Coffeeisbeastly: ummm…

Wildcat: Don't even think about it, 'cause _I_ have…a WALRUS on a stick!

Mara-anheim: Well, I have…an AYE-AYE!!!!!!!!!!!

Lightning-warlock: You just can't beat this THREE-TOED SLOTH!

Octaviustheoctopus: I have five cents. I beat you all.

Coffeeisbeastly: From where?

Octaviustheoctopus: Bets.

Wildcat: That reminds me. Who's winning?

Octaviustheoctopus: Uhh…looks like Princess Cressida…nope, Sulla pulled out a narwhal… Cressida's got an elephant seal… Sulla has a beaver… and here comes Cressida with a gas mask and Primplepuss!

Lightning-warlock: This is getting interesting.

2sexy4myevilness: EWWWWWWWW! GACK! AIR FILTER! AIR FILTER!

Strikingeagle: Say it. Say I'm smart.

2sexy4myevilness: -gasp- You're smart.

Strikingeagle: Thank you.

The-emperor: That cat's lethal.

2sexy4myevilness: I think my nostrils exploded.

Coffeeisbeastly: Mara! If we could turn that cat into a bomb we'd be INVINCIBLE! I could conquer the world!

Mara-anheim: And…

Coffeeisbeastly: AND THE ICEMARK WOULD FALL! YOU WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO STAND AGAINST US IN A MILLION YEARS LINDENSHIELD **NYOHOHOHOHOHO**!

The-emperor: Hey! Your laugh's back!

Coffeeisbeastly: You're RIGHT! WOOHOOO! I got my laugh back, I got my laugh back…

Wildcat: That's all fine and dandy, but you're forgetting one crucial thing.

Coffeeisbeastly: What?

Wildcat: Primplepuss belongs to ME.

Coffeeisbeastly: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Mara-anheim: We could make a artificial Stinky Cat Odor.

Coffeeisbeasly: AAR--- we COULD! Soren! Children!

Octaviustheoctopus: Oh no.

Coffeeisbeastly: We're making a Stinky Cat Bomb!

Mara-anheim: What have I done…?

Coffeeisbeastly: You've created a monster! And that's _good_!

-coffeeisbeastly has left the room-

-mara-anheim has left the room-

-sorenssocks has left the room-

-octaviustheoctopus has left the room-

-2sexy4myevilness has left the room-

-the-emperor has left the room-

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. By the way, an Aye-aye is a primate from Madagascar with huge eyes and wierd fingers (not to be confused with any OTHER huge-eyed primates like tarsiers or bush babies), an elephant seal is a seal with a huge nose (actually, the males fight with their noses), and a narwhal is a whale with a horn on its head. 

By the way...the whole Southern Purple Man-Eating Wombats part was setting up for another chatroom sometime in the future, all about the wombats.


	23. Chatroom: Kung Fu Fightin'

**A/N:** I would just like to give a ridiculously huge thank you to Silver Wind Neko because without her, this chatroom wouldn't exist. Seriously. I let it fester on the document manager too long and deleted the file on my computer, so it died. Which sucked, because this is one of my favorite chats. Thankfully she had a copy and sent it to me and I was able to post it, and she did all this cool formatting which I am too lazy to do. So THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, a lot of people have been asking for Medea's inbox. It's coming. Silver Wind Neko and I spent the weekend thinking up emails for her, and they're pretty funny if I do say so myself. And by the way, enjoy the "Ninja Chat". Everybody was kung fu fightin'...

* * *

**Chat Room: Kung Fu Fightin'**

**-machocheese has entered the room-**

**-princehowler has entered the room-**

**Machocheese**: Hi Howler.

**Princehowler:** Yo.

**-strikingeagle has entered the room-**

**strikingeagle**: What are you doing in here?

**machocheese**: Talking. Breathing. You know, GUY stuff. No girls allowed.

**Princehowler**: not…exactly…has anyone noticed Bellorum's army is back?

**machocheese**: no, I haven't. We just finished fighting them today, and I haven't noticed they're back.

**Princehowler**: You probably wouldn't. They're all wearing black and the wheels for the cannons and wagons are muffled.

**strikingeagle**: Then how do we know they're there?

**Princehowler**: because I have MAD SKILLZ, that's how.

**machocheese**: ok here's the plan. WE dress up in black ninja gear, and raid their camp!

**-2sexy4myevilness has entered the room-**

**2sexy4myevilness**: NINJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111

**strikingeagle**: um…

**princehowler**: okay…

**machocheese**: quick! Delete the last thing I said.

**2sexy4myevilness**: too late! But even if you DO pull it off, you can't touch me!

**Princehowler**: why?

**2sexy4myevilness**: because I have FISTS OF FURY.

**-Coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-**

**Coffeeisbeastly**: What is going on here? Sulla, you're supposed to be preparing for battle!

**strikingeagle**: he was just about to show us his "kung fu skills".

**machocheese**: omfg DELETE THE SECRET POST!!

**Coffeeisbeastly**: nyohohohoho! That's why you shouldn't post army stuff on AIM!

**strikingeagle**: what's "nyohohohoho"?

**Coffeeisbeastly**: That is the typed version of my evil laugh. You know you're jealous.

**Princehowler**: actually, I'm not.

**-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-**

**machocheese**: DELETE THE POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: wow…you guys just can't keep secret stuff secret…

**-wildcat has entered the room-**

**Wildcat**: WHY are all the Bellorums in the chatroom???

**Coffeeisbeastly**: because we have just conquered the Internet, that's why.

**Wildcat**: you can't conquer the Internet!

**Coffeeisbeastly**: we just did. And from now on, AIM will be known as SBIM.

**Wildcat**: …

**Wildcat**: okay… Eodred, you can NOT keep secret stuff secret.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: and you did not repeat what I already said.

**2sexy4myevilness**: Hey wait a minute…being all stealthy in ninja gear was OUR idea! Admit we came up with that first!

**strikingeagle**: No way! You never called it NINJA gear!

**2sexy4myvilness**: You wanna fight about it?????????

**strikingeagle**: Yes. Yes I do.

**2sexy4myevilness**: BLOOD! BLAST! AND FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!

**Strikingeagle**: you did NOT just use my battle cry

**Machocheese**: He did

**Princehowler**: he did

**Strikingeagle**: its ON

**2sexy4myevilness**: blood blast and fire blood blast and fire blood blast and fire blood blast and fire

**Strikingeagle**: grr…

**-shadowofstorm has entered the room-**

**Shadowofstorm**: Hey Cressida! What's wrong?

**Strikingeagle**: Sulla's here! And he's stealing my battle cry!

**2sexy4myevilness**: …blood blast and fire.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Sulla, I'll call the hospital and tell them you're coming.

**2sexy4myevilness**: Thank you for being so supportive.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: If you die, can I have your stuff?

**2sexy4myevilness**: NO!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: But you'll be dead, so I can just take it.

**2sexy4myevilness**: Have you ever seen _The Grudge_?

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Yes. You saw it with me and slept with the lights on for an entire week, remember?

**2sexy4myevilness**: I DID NOT!

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Maybe we should ask Pooky Bear. I bet HE remembers.

**2sexy4myevilness**: SHUT UP!

**Strikingeagle**: POOKY BEAR?!?!?

**2sexy4myevilness**: Stay out of this, Lindenshield.

**Strikingeagle**: Hey Sulla, I have a question

**2sexy4myevilness**: Ask away. I am infinitely smarter than you barbarians.

**Strikingeagle**: It's hypothetical. If you knew today was your last day on earth, what would you do or say differently? Especially if, by doing or saying something different, today might NOT be your last day on earth.

**2sexy4myevilness**: I don't think that question's very hypothetical at all.

**Machocheese**: Cressida and Sulla, you guys could fight ninja-style and just resolve your differences that way.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Ninja-style? With shruikens?

**Machocheese**: Uh…yes. Shruikens and all.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: And little throwing stars? And ninja gear?

**Machocheese**: I guess.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: I like shruikens. You can impale people with them.

**Machocheese**: O-kaaaaaay…

**Strikingeagle**: Would this be a fight to the death?

**Machocheese**: No, it'd be a fight until Sulla loses.

**2sexy4myevilness**: HEY!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Shruikens are fun.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Snap out of it!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: shruikens shruikens shruikens shruikens

**Coffeeisbeastly**: -slaps him-

**Coffeeisbeastly**: You know, of course, that we could just jack up your internet bill really high. Since we have just conquered the Internet.

**Wildcat**: Why would we pay it?

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Becau--- oh.

**Strikingeagle**: I'm in the ninja fight!

**2sexy4myevilness**: I can't.

**Strikingeagle**: Because you're a wimp. I understand.

**2sexy4myevilness**: No, it's against my policy to fight girls.

**Strikingeagle**: Are you saying I'm WEAK???!?!?

**2sexy4myevilness**: No, no, I'm just saying –

**Strikingeagle**: Oh, so now you're sexist!

**2sexy4myevilness**: That's not what I meant!

**Strikingeagle**: You're going down.

**2sexy4myevilness**: You know what? I'm throwing my policy out the window. I'm in the ninja fight too!

**Strikingeagle**: Eodred! Fetch the ninja stuff!

**Machocheese**: That's me!

**Strikingeagle**: Yes. Go get the ninja stuff.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Shiny shruiken, shiny shruiken…

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Ha ha ha, I'm going to mess with Thirrin's Internet bill…

**Shadowofstorm**: Ha ha ha, I'm going to learn how to be a hacker and mess with BELLORUM'S Internet bill…

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Oh no you don't!

**Shadowofstorm**: Let's see, how 'bout 1,000 dollars a month?

**Strikingeagle**: I think it's time for another ninja fight.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: It wouldn't be much of a fight. I'd beat him in two seconds.

**Shadowofstorm**: I wear black ninja clothes all the time, so that must mean I'm a better ninja than you.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: HA! You WISH!

**Shadowofstorm**: Real ninjas don't have fake hands. And they don't lose wars to people less than half their age.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Oh yeah? Well… REAL NINJAS AREN'T CRIPPLED!

**Shadowofstorm**: …

**Strikingeagle**: …

**Octaviustheoctopus**: …

**Machocheese**: That's cold.

**-ihaveabeard has entered the room-**

**Ihaveabeard**: Hey everybody! It's Mekhmet! Did I miss anything?

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Uh…nice screen name.

**Strikingeagle**: Shh! Bellorum just insulted Sharley's leg.

**Ihaveabeard**: Oh…

**Wildcat**: DON'T YOU DARE INSULT MY SON!

**Coffeeisbeastly**: I'll insult whoever I want!

**Wildcat**: I have shruikens.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: I have a fake hand that turns into a shruiken.

**Wildcat**: Your fake hand is made out of metal, right?

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Yes. And might I add, you barbarians could never make a hand like it. It is a feat of Imperial engineering…

**Wildcat**: But it's metal.

**Coffeisbeastly**: DUH.

**Wildcat**: I have a jumper cable.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Point taken.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: I'll get you for this, Lindenshield! Once I find a fake hand that does not conduct electricity!

**-coffeeisbeastly has left the room-**

**-octaviustheoctopus has left the room-**

**2sexy4myevilness**: I still wish we could have ninja-fought.

**-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-**

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Come on, Sulla.

**2sexy4myevilness**: Fine.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Hey Eodred, can I have one of those shruikens?

**Machocheese**: Uh, sure. Here.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: YAY! SHRUIKEN!

**-octaviustheoctopus has left the room-**

**-2sexy4myevilness has left the room-**


	24. Chatroom: Your Face is a Chatroom

* * *

Chatroom: Your Face is a Chatroom

* * *

**- Octaviustheoctopus has entered the room –**

**- Strikingeagle has entered the room – **

**- Machocheese has entered the room - **

**Octaviustheoctopus:** I wanted to talk to you guys about Charlemagne. Specifically, his face.

**Strikingeagle**: His...face?

**Machocheese**: That is not weird at all!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Nope.

**Machocheese**: You really cannot recognize sarcasm.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Your face is sarcasm.

**Strikingeagle**: WHAAAAAAT?

**Octaviustheoctopus**: It's a "your face" joke. The most versatile insult in the world.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: YOUR FACE IS THE MOST VERSATILE INSULT IN THE WORLD! See?

**Strikingeagle**: You have far too much free time.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: It's never FREE time. I'm always doing something stupid.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Well, according to Scipio. He says I shouldn't be allowed to get bored.

**Strikingeagle**: You SHOULDN'T.

**Machocheese**: Your FACE shouldn't be allowed to get bored.

**Octraviustheoctopus**: You're learning! The face jokes have caught on!

**Machocheese**: Your face has caught on and is learning.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: My work here is done.

**Strikingeagle**: YOUR FACE'S WORK HERE IS DONE!!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Muahahahaha! That's why I shouldn't be allowed to get bored!!

**-Octaviustheoctopus has left the room-**

LATER THAT DAY

**-shadowofthestorm has entered the room-**

**-ihaveabeard has entered the room-**

**Shadowofthestorm**: Hey Mekhmet. I was talking to Eodred earlier today and he kept saying stuff about my face. And most of it didn't even make sense!

**Ihaveabeard**: Your face doesn't even make any sense.

**Shadowofthestorm**: AAAAAAUGH! Not you too! Where is this coming from?!

**Shadowofthestorm**: Oh, crap. Octavius was bored again.

**-shadowofthestorm has left the room-**

**ihaveabeard:** YOUR FACE HAS LEFT THE ROOM.

**-ihaveabeard's face has left the room-**

**-shadowofthestorm has returned to the room-**

**-Octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-**

**Shadowofthestorm**: Were you bored this afternoon by any chance?

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Why yes. I couldn't stalk your sister. Maybe you should let me stalk her more often. Or even let me take her out on a date.

**Shadowofthestorm**: !#!# ...

**Shadowofthestorm**: Ohh my God.

**Shadowofthestorm**: so YOU'RE the reason everyone is talking about everyone else's faces. Even Mekhmet is talking about my face.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Wow, I never thought it would spread that far. I should get bored more often.

**Shadowofthestorm**: YOU MEAN THIS WAS SOME KIND OF EVIL CONVOLUTED BELLORUM PLOT ?!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Of course not. Our plots are usually much more evil and convoluted, and usually involve several pounds of explosives and a squirrel.

**Shadowofthestorm**: So what was it?

**Octaviustheoctopus**: I TOLD YOU! I WAS BORED! SO WAS YOUR FACE!

**-coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-**

**-2sexy4myevilness has entered the room-**

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Octavius was bored again? Oh crap. Sulla, contact Romula. We have a matter of Imperial security on our hands...again.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: I was just bored and decided to introduce face jokes to the barbarians.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Exactly. Do you think I want to be insulted by barbarians and their pet leopards?

**Coffeisbeastly**: Not that that would happen. I'd totally get them first.

**-wildcat has entered the room-**

**-lightningwarlock has entered the room-**

**-snowleopardthar has entered the room –**

**Coffeeisbeastly**: YOUR FACE!!

**Wildcat**: Whaaaaat?

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Your face.

**Wildcat**: Is this a face joke fight. IT'S ON.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Of course. What do you think it is, barbarian?

**Wildcat**: Your face is a barbarian.

**2sexy4myevilness**: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Are you just going to take that?

**Coffeeisbeastly**: Well...your mom is a tree.

**Wildcat**: Your face is a tree.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: You make me nauseous..

**Wildcat**: Your face makes me nauseous.

**Shadowofthestorm**: Pwned.

**Coffeeisbeastly**: I walked right into that one.

**Shadowofthestorm**: And got pwned.

**Lightningwarlock**: Who taught you that?

**Shadowofthestorm**: Mekhmet did. He plays HALO and WoW.

**2sexy4myevilness**: That is because Mekhmet is a nerd.

**-Strikingeagle has entered the room –**

**Strikingeagle**: Sulla, your face is a nerd.

**Strikingeagle**: And Octavious, did you just admit to stalking me?

**Octavioustheoctopus**: No.

**Strikingeagle**: So THAT'S the random dark shadow that's been making me paranoid!

**Coffeeisbeastly**: That's only slightly creepy. Mental institute for you, child.

**Wildcat**: Are you talking about Cressida? (sharpens sword)

**Coffeeisbeastly**: No. Octavius.

**Coffeisbeastly**: And the part where something was slightly creepy? _That_ was about your face.

**Snowleopardthar**: Ohhh, no you di'n't.

**-coffeeisbeastly has left the room-**

**-wildcat has left the room-**

**-wildcat has entered the room –**

**Wildcat**: Octavius if I see you anywhere NEAR Frostmarris you will be less one face.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Yes ma'am.

**-wildcat has left the room-**

**-medea has entered the room –**

**Machocheese**: Do you jump around when you go to shows, Medea?

**Medea**: No...why?

**Shadowofthestorm**: YOU MUST BE EMO.

**Medea**: Your face is emo.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Wow.

**2sexy4myevilness**: ...

**Strikingeagle**: Snapped.

**Medea**: Eodred and Sharley's faces were snapped.

**2sexy4myevilness**: You're awesome!

**Medea**: Eodred and Sharley's faces aren't awesome.

**2sexy4myevilness**: ... I think I'm in love.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: OH! CAN I BE BEST MAN!

**2sexy4myevilness**: Die in a hole with snakes.

**Ihaveabeard**: Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: You are a nerd. Please go have your little bearded nerd party somewhere else.

**Strikingeagle**: That's so mean!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: I'm a mean person. But admit you were thinking it too.

**Medea**: You know what, Sharley? Your face is a nerd party.

**Shadowofthestorm**: Well, your face is so emo, it's emo.

**Medea**: Your face is a dried mango with papayas.

**Shadowofthestorm**: Your face is a watermelon.

**2sexy4myevilness**: Watermelons are nice.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Shut up and go buy her a ring.

**Medea**: YOUR face is a guava, Charlemagne!

**Shadowofthestorm**: What is a guava, anyway?

**Strikingeagle**: Well according to Medea, it's your face.

**Shadowofthestorm**: I refuse to participate in this face joke fight any longer!

**-shadowofthestorm has left the room-**

**Medea**: I win!

**-Medea has left the room –**

**Strikingeagle**: Wait...Octavius admitted to stalking me?

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Only slightly.

**Strikingeagle**: Backhand slap!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: OW! That wasn't even a real backhand slap and it hurt!

**Strikingeagle**: Excuse me, I'm going to get a restraining order now.

**-Strikingeagle has left the room-**

**Octaviustheoctopus**: From where?

**Machocheese**: -shrugs-

**-machocheese has left the room-**

**2sexy4myevilness**: Maaaaaaybe...from someone's face!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Darn. I hate restraining orders from people's faces.

**2sexy4myevilness**: Hey, do you want to think up some evil and convoluted Bellorum plot involving explosives and squirrels?

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Heck yes!

**-2sexy4myevilness has left the room-**

**Octaviustheoctopus**: I'm feeling a bit bored...

**-Octaviustheoctopus has left the room-**

* * *

**A/N:** This was partly written by Silver Wind Neko (about two lines). Also, "your mom is a tree" is from when The Consul demonstrated what a Latin Yo' Momma fight would be like (only then, it was in Latin).

Sorry, I said Medea's inbox would be up next but it wasn't, however I WILL be working on it, I promise! I don't promise it will be up next, but it will be up SOON, along with other inboxes (Sharley's, Cressida's, Eodred's, Octavius', Sulla's, possibly Mekhmet's and the Vampire King and Queen's) and another chatroom. Let the silliness continue!


	25. Chatroom: Octavius the Genius

**A/N: **This is for you, Silver Wind Neko. Because you have the PLAGUE! Or you did 6 months ago when I started this. Whatever!

**Disclaimer:** If I were Stuart Hill and owned Icemark, I would be rejoicing in my brilliantness on some Caribbean island. But I'm not, so I'm not.

* * *

**Chatroom: Octavius the Genius**

* * *

**-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-**

**Octaviustheoctopus**: I'm a genius!

**-strikingeagle has entered the room-**

**Strikingeagle:** Is it opposite day or something? Because I just heard Octavius say he was a genius.

**-2sexy4myevilness has entered the room-**

**2sexy4myevilness:** You didn't "hear" anything. We're on AIM.

**Strikingeagle:** GET OUT OF HERE SULLA!

**-2sexy4myevilness has left the room-**

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Laugh all you want now, but I've invented something brilliant!

**Strikingealge:** -rolls eyes- What is it this time!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: It's amazing!

**Strikingeagle:** I mean, what kind of thing is it?

**Octaviustheoctopus:** It's an amazing thing that you will all be jealous of!

**Strikingeagle:** Just tell me what the heck it is you invented.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Wouldn't YOU like to know!

**Strikingeagle:** I bet you didn't invent anything. Or if you did, it's probably a rock or something.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** I'm not telling you. You can just stay up at night wracking your brain over what my amazing invention of amazing amazingness is.

**Strikingealge**: Whatever. I'll just ask your brother.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** I'm still a genius!

--Later

**-2sexy4myevilness has entered the room-**

**-Strikingeagle has entered the room- **

**Strikingeagle:** Hey, do you know what your brother invented?

**2sexy4myevilness:** Octavius invented something? It's the apocalypse!

**Strikingeagle:** He says it's something amazing that we will all be jealous of.

**2sexy4myevilness**: Is it opposite day or something?

**Strikingeagle:** Listen, could you just tell me what it is he invented?

**2sexy4myevilness**: What's the magic word?

**Strikingeagle**: Tell me OR I'LL SIC GRISHMAK ON YOU.

**2sexy4myevilness:** You know, that's really not how you should be going about asking for my help. …WAIT! We're enemies! Why would I be helping you!

**Strikingeagle**: Because I'll kill you otherwise.

**2sexy4myevilness:** Once you get past the defenses and the security guard's 50-ton Rottweiler on steroids, have fun with that.

**Strikingeagle**: JUST TELL ME WHAT HE INVENTED!

**2sexy4myevilness:** Then tell me what your tactics are for tomorrow.

**Strikingeagle:** What! NO!

**2sexy4myevilness:** Okay then, bye. I need to get back to cloning my hamster.

**-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room- **

**Octaviustheoctopus:** I'm a genius.

**2sexy4myevilness:** …not.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** HEY! Just because you've cloned six hamsters and a goldfish, given the neighbor's cat superpowers, grown a square watermelon, and created a working photon cannon does NOT mean you can act all snobby!

**Strikingeagle:** Well, yes, actually, it does.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Shut up.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** And before you say the name of my invention, you need to pay me a liscencing fee of 20 dollars.

**Strikingeagle:** It's that amazing?

**Octaviustheoctopus:** OH YEAH!

**2sexy4myevilness:** What is it?

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Oh, don't you start. Because I am never in a lifetime telling either of you, unless it's to brag once I get famous.

**2sexy4myevilness:** If you don't tell us, I'll sic my twelve hamsters, two goldfish, and the neighbor's bionic cat on you. AND I have a working photon cannon. AND a square watermelon.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Okay, it's…

**-ihaveabeard has entered the room- **

**-shadowofthestorm has entered the room-**

**Shadowofthestorm:** Hey everybody!

**2sexy4myevilness:** …I'm Dr. Nick.

**Shadowofthestorm:** Guess what Mekhmet and I invented!

**Strikingeagle:** Not this again.

**2sexy4myevilness**: Square watermelons are already patented, kiddo.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** I'm a genius!

**Strikingeagle:** I heard you the first time, Octavius, now shut up.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** No! Geniuses can talk as much as they want to enlighten the world. You should be honored.

**2sexy4myevilness:** You aren't a genius. I think we've established that before.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** When?

**2sexy4myevilness:** Porcupine Incident.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Oh yeah.

**Strikingeagle:** What Porcupine Incident?

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Don't ask.

**Strikingeagle:** No, this sounds interesting. What was the porcupine incident?

**2sexy4myevilness:** Indisputable proof that Octavius is not a genius in any sense of the word.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Actually, I made a scientific discovery that day.

**2sexy4myevilness:** Oh, do tell.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Porcupines are mean!

**Strikingeagle: **And how exactly did you discover that?

**Octaviustheoctopus:** I'd rather not talk about it.

**2sexy4myevilness: **Several large porcupines attacked his face after he poked them with sticks.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: I SAID I'D RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

**Strikingeagle**: Well, that's what you get! You poked them with sticks!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Thank you for your support. That was a very traumatic event.

**2sexy4myevilness**: For YOU. I thought it was hilarious.

**Shadowofthestorm**: It sounds hilarious.

**Ihaveabeard**: Hey, guess what Sharley and I invented.

**Octaviustheoctopus**: Gaaaaah...

**Strikingeagle**: Just guess. I give up, Mekhmet, what did you and Sharley invent?

**Shadowofthestorm**: A robotic porcupine!

**Octaviustheoctopus**: AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! THE PORCUPINES FOUND ME! THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME! CALL THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM! AUUUUUUUUUUGH!

**-octaviustheoctopus has left the room- **

**Shadowofthestorm: **What's with him?

**Strikingeagle**: Post-porcupine trauma.

**2sexy4myevilness**: Sharley, Mekhmet, I'd like to buy that porcupine.

**Strikingeagle: **Can you make me one too?

**Shadowofthestorm:** Sure!

**ihaveabeard:** We could get rich off this.

**-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-**

**Octaviustheoctopus**: DIE PORCUPINES DIE!! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

**Shadowofthestorm:** Is that your battle cry? "Blaaaaaaaaah?"

**Strikingeagle:** Ours is so much cooler.

**2sexy4myevilness:** What are you doing back here anyway? I thought you were too traumatized by porcupines.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** AUUUUUUUUGH! PORCUPINES! ...Um, well, I've decided to overcome my fear.

**2sexy4myevilness:** Look, a porcupine.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** AUUUUUUUUGH! THEY FOUND ME! TAKE COVER!

**-octaviustheoctopus has left the room-**

**Strikingeagle:** Good! While he's gone we can figure out what his invention is ... right?

**2sexy4myevilness:** Yes. His constant insistence that he is a genius is getting on my nerves.

**ihaveabeard:** Wait...aren't all three of you evil geniuses?

**- coffeeisbeastly has entered the room-**

**Coffeeisbeastly:** We find that the evil genius gene skipped him.

**Shadowofthestorm:** Does that mean he's a mutant?

**Coffeeisbeastly:** ...

**-octaviustheoctopus has entered the room-**

**Octaviustheoctopus:** GET OUT OF HERE CHARLEMAGNE!

**Shadowofthestorm:** Make me.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Make me make you.

**Shadowofthestorm:** Make me make you make me.

**Coffeeisbeastly:** Okay, stop it.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Make us.

**Coffeeisbeastly:** RAR!

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Yes sir.

**-wildcat has entered the room-**

**Octaviustheoctopus:** GUESS WHAT! I'M A GENIUS!

**Coffeeisbeastly:** No, you're not. Porcupine Incident.

**Strikingeagle:** You're never going to let him forget that, are you?

**2sexy4myevilness:** Never.

**Wildcat:** Wait...did Octavius just say he was a genius?

**Coffeeisbeastly:** That's what I heard as well.

**Wildcat:** Well, that's understandable. Old guys always lose their hearing.

**Coffeeisbeastly:** That's it. You're going down.

**Wildcat:** That's what you always say and look where that's got you.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM ACTUALLY A GENIUS BECAUSE I INVENTED SOMETHING COOL!

**Wildcat:** What is it?

**Coffeeisbeastly:** Could it possibly be used in war?

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Well it certainly worked on...

**Octaviustheoctopus:** I can't say it! That may give clues to what it is.

**Coffeeisbeastly:** Tell us what the invention is.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** NOOOOO! It's too awesome! Its awesomeness and power lies in its secrecy!

**Coffeeisbeastly:** So it's a spy thing.

**Octaviustheoctopus:** I didn't say that.

**Octaviustheoctopus**:I guess I can tell you guys now. It's been long enough. My invention is...

**Strikingeagle:** Get on with it!

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Drumroll...

**Coffeeisbeastly: **Tell us!

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Is this how you and Sulla feel all the time? This is cool.

**2sexy4myevilness:** OCTAVIUS!

**Octaviustheoctopus:** Okay. I have invented a way to control people's thoughts.

**Wildcat:** Whaaat?

**Octaviustheoctopus:** It's quite simple. By going on and on about how I am a genius and have invented something awesome, powerful and secret, all of you were instantly curious. Then you spent the entire day trying to figure out what it was. It occupied your thoughts, you couldn't concentrate on anything else! It worked!

**Shadowofthestorm:** ...

**Coffeeisbeastly:** ...

**Wildcat:** ...

**Strikingeagle:** ...

**ihaveabeard:** ...

**2sexy4myevilness:** ... That's pretty cool.

**Coffeeisbeastly:** I suppose that is an awesome and powerful invention. Maybe the evil genius gene didn't skip you as much as we had thought.

**Shadowofthestorm:** Hey Octavius! Check out this awesome robotic porcupine!

**Octaviustheoctopus:** AUUUUGH! A PORCUPINE!

**-Octaviustheoctopus has left the room-**

**Wildcat:** Or maybe it did.

**-wildcat has left the room-**

**Coffeeisbeastly:** I need my four o'clock dose of caffeine.

**2sexy4myevilness:** And I need to clone my hamster. Again.

**-coffeeisbeastly has left the room-**

**-2sexy4myevilness has left the room-**

**-strikingeagle has left the room-**

**Shadowofthestorm: **Hey Mekhmet! Let's go make more of those robotic porcupines!

**ihaveabeard: **Yeah! Scaring Octavius Bellorum is fun.

**Shadowofthestorm: **I'm getting some evil ideas.

-**Shadowofthestorm has left the room-**

**-ihaveabeard has left the room- **

Well, that's that. A very belated get-well present for my beta. Tell me how you liked it.

Oh, and I might take away some of the earlier non-Inbox, non-Chatroom chapters and move them to a different story, possibly titled "Icemark Outtakes". And I might revise "Bubble Troubled" and make it a sort of companion oneshot. I just think that those chapters don't really fit with the whole Inbox theme. But to replace them ... drumroll please... actual imboxes! The ones we've all been waiting for! If I don't write them quickly, poke me, PM me, throw porcupines...I'm a huge procrastinator and I need people with actual work ethics to get me to update. That's what betas are for, haha.


End file.
